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Attichitcuk

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Itchy
Attichitcuk
Biographical information
Homeworld

Kashyyyk

Born

350 BBY

Died

Just kept getting older and older

Physical description
Species

Wookiee

Gender

Male

Height

1.7 meters

Hair color

Gray

Eye color

Brown

Chronological and political information
Era(s)
Affiliation
"Reeewwwuuurrrw mrrweeew. Bah! Feh!"
―Itchy, roughly translated as "In my day, we walked ten miles to school, uphill, both ways..."

Attipappochittamattoxgonquinchickalumbeekituk, or Attichitcuk, for short, or Itchy for shorter, was Chewbacca's Wookiee hero father who became a horny old lecher in his later days. He was also the grandfather of Lumpy, Chewbacca's annoying son.

Attichitcuk was the greatest hunter on Kashyyyk. He once slew twenty katarns. (Then God warned him not to do that again, so he unsuccessfully slew him too.) He grew up to be a great community leader and attracted the attention of... the, um... who was Chewbacca's mother, again? What's that? We don't know? Well, he does have one, right? I mean, what, did Attichitcuk just ejaculate into a tube and make Chewbacca with a chemistry set or what? Actually, sounds like something he'd do. Well, uh, let's say, tentatively, that there was some female Wookiee involved, who then ran away or died somehow. Point is, Attichitcuk had a son.

Once Attichitcuk became a father, he stopped being heroic and started hanging around the house, grumbling about everything he encountered and spending all his free time watching his Holographic Wow on the mind evaporator. He was also a big fan of Lap Dancing with the Stars, Up Close and Personal with Guri, and Misa-Misa's Happy Sweets (being one of the very few fans of the latter).

When Chewbacca swore a life-debt to Han Solo, Attichitcuk assumed that meant Chewbacca was gay and that the two were engaged. Chewie and Han attempted to explain on several occasions this wasn't the case, but Attichitcuk never listened. He even made them a pair of traditional Wookiee life commitment bracelets made from uller's teeth.

WookieepediaLogoBouncing
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Attichitcuk.

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