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Bastilla
Bastila Shan
Biographical information
Homeworld

Sleheyron or Talravin

Born

15 years after Revan (nice!)

Died

When she was an eldery person

Physical description
Species

Human

Gender

Female

Personal shit
Butt buddies

Me :)

Forms of ass-kickery

Ui'llaim (grow a backbone)

Chronological and political information
Affiliation

Darth Revan

Bastila Shan was a Hot Chick-class Jedi Padawan who didn't take any bullshit from anyone, not even from a editor that's a pussy.

She was skilled in battle meditation, which means being a badass without moving an inch. She had a romantic involvement with Revan, former Dark Lord of the Sith. Reports later in her life of her turning to the Dark Side and helping destroy the Galactic Republic four thousand years before its time are unsubstantiated—which is a shame, because said reports also indicated the Sith offered her a line of kinky underwear as part of her Sith costume.

BiographyEdit

ChildhoodEdit

Bastila was born on Sleheyron to Wilhelm von der Shan, a hunter, and Helena Shan, the mythic queen whose face launched a thousand starships. When she was two, Bastila and her parents moved off world, a fact which in later life she would use to claim her birth was on Talravin. Despite the seeming contradiction it is indeed possible that both are true since "Talravin" was also the name of a powerful hallucinogenic powder processed on that planet.

When she turned six, Wilhelm von der Shan secretly delivered her to the Jedi temple on Coruscant in hopes of profiting from the finders fee paid upon reception of a Force-sensitive child. This act was done unbeknownst to Helena. Upon his return home, Wilhelm lied to his distraught wife that Bastila had run away to join the Exchange. However, the truth eventually came out during a drunken row, causing a rift between the two that never fully healed.

As for Bastila, she progressed rapidly under such teachers as masters Dork, Jack Daniels, and Fred Flintstone. Before long, she was found to possess the rare Force skill of battle meditation. Because of this advantage, most wimps across the internet couldn't handle her.

Adventures with Revan Edit

During the Jedi Civil War (AKA the war that happened in the first KotOR game), she and a bunch of other Jedi went to the Sith Lord Darth Revan's ship in a futile attempt to pwn him. She seemingly led the attack, despite the fact that she was in her early twenties and still a padawan. Unsurprisingly, Revan was going to kill her and all the other stupid Jedi dummies that were "attacking" him, but he was stopped just in time by Malak who was fixin' to some pwning of his own. This caused Revan to go into a coma and lose all of his memories, and Bastila stole his body and brought it back to the Jedi Masters so they could have their way with him. Uh, that sounded bad. I mean they were going to use him for their own gain by brainwashing him and using him as a pawn. Yeah, the actual thing sounds bad too.

After this, Revan (still an amnesiac) woke up on a ship and some weirdo said some weird things about video game controls, which caused the memory-wiped Sith to correctly guess that he was on ayahuasca. After the weird dude got murdered in the face by Darth Bandon, Revan was saved again by a whiny asshole and the two went on a quest on the planet Taris that lasted way too long but eventually culminated in them rescuing Bastila from some nasally-voiced Indian guy who wanted her as his personal sex slave.

Eventually, that Taris quest finally fucking ended and they escaped the planet just before Darth Malak destroyed it. The three adventurers (accompanied by a bunch of other idiots) embarked on a mission to find the Star Forge by travelling to four different planets and finding four star maps in order to stop Malak. In the middle of the quest, the group was captured by a ship called Leviathan where Darth Malak confronted them and blew everyone's minds by revealing Revan's true identity. He also captured Bastila and tortured her for like, a week, which was apparently enough to change her entire belief system and make her a dark-sider.

Long story short, Revan eventually found the Star Forge, pwned Malak and turned Bastila back to the light side. Revan (who was a man) then defied the Jedi Order by marrying Bastila, and they conceived a child named Vaner. Yeah, that was really his name. The Revan novel is fucking dogshit.
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Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Bastila Shan.