"We're about to be executed, the Jedi are dead, the Separatists deployed their battle droids, and Anakin is making out with Padmé! However, I have good news... I just saved a bunch of credits on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"
Obi-Wan Kenobi, on the Battle of Geonosis

The Battle of Geonosis was the first battle of the Clone Wars. It occurred when Obi-Wan Kenobi went to Geonosis looking for a decent credit card (that was not declined to a slightly swipe-happy Anakin) and ended up getting arrested by bugs for jaywalking, and the fiasco descended into a full-scale battle.

Pre-Battle of Geonosis Edit

"May I ask why a Jedi Knight is jaywalking on the streets of Geonosis?"
―Count Dooku, to Obi-Wan

The street where Obi-Wan got arrested

While Obi-Wan was on a mission to discover a sinister plot, he decided to pass by the IRS outpost on Geonosis. He checked his account balance and thought he needed to get a credit card to make his budget a lot easier to handle. So he did.

After settling things, he stumbled across a funny-looking man. They had a little chat and without him knowing, he was robbed by this funny-looking man on the Geonosis plain. It was his credit card. He used the Force to locate this man. He didn't see that pedestrian lane over there so he got arrested by the GLP or the Geonosis Local Police.


the old guy while questioning Obi-Wan

He was questioned in the interrogation room. Things were not going as planned. He disobeyed his mandate. He was a complete wreck! Well, anyway, he was questioned by this old guy with very white hair.

During the Battle Edit

"You have fought gallantly. Worthy of recognition in the Archives of the Jedi Order... Now it is finished. Give us some burritos and your lives will be speared... Yeah, you heard me right, speared!!!"
―Count Dooku

Obi-Wan was with his student and his student's fiancée when they were caught in the center of the pit bull arena. They were hopeless. Yet they somehow survived the attacks of the pit bulls.

That was until some bald black guy arrived with his team of Jedi Knights to *help* this woman called Obi-Wan. They were all but failures. I mean, they may have destroyed a hundred robots, but they were still outnumbered.

A few moments later, frog dude captain arrived with battle-ready white men to help save the surviving Jedi. They were, as always, failures but victorious. They left the pit bull arena, only to find themselves in sandwich formation between the Robot Army. They fought, and won!!!

Duel with the Insurance Guy Edit

"I don't think so... I won't pay for these damages!"
―Obi-Wan, to Count Dooku

While on a ship, Obi-Wan and Anakin followed this Insurance Guy and they landed in some hangar. They turned on their cheese slicers and dueled with the Insurance Guy, but they later found out that he was full of surprises.


Dooku using a Force Lightning against Anakin

Obi-Wan and Anakin dueled against this Insurance Guy and eventually lost. They were about to taste the Insurance Guy's finishing touch until Frog Man arrived.


Frog against Insurance Guy

Frog Man was a good duelist and he could have beaten this Insurance Guy if he hadn't been disturbed by the fact that he had to save Obi-Wan. Then they liven unhappily after the incident. They went back to Coruscant to find that Obi-Wan caused the battle because he checked his bank account balance. It was a bold conclusion...

This article is called Battle of Geonosis. Battle of Geonosis has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Battle of Geonosis can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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