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Battle of the Network Stars

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Duel of Laverne & Shirley

Battle of the Network Stars
Conflict:

Unknown

Date:

1976

Place:

Network Stars

Outcome:

Mutual annihilation

Combatants

ABC

CBS

Commanders

Gabe Kaplan

Telly Savalas

Strength

Lynda Carter
Farrah Fawcett
Richard Hatch
Robert Hegyes
Ron Howard
Hal Linden
Penny Marshall

Adrienne Barbeau
Kevin Dobson
Bill Macy
Lee Meriwether
Mackenzie Phillips
Jimmie Walker

Casualties

All

All

  [Source]

The Battle of the Network Stars took place in the Entertainment Cluster within the Network Stars region. The massive fleets of the mercenary Armored Battle Company, ABC, clashed with the droid fleets of Corporate Battle Systems, CBS.

General Gabe Kaplan of ABC began the onslaught against CBS by crashing half his fleet into the CBS droid control ship, sacrificing such luminaries as Richard Hatch, Hal Linden, and Farrah Fawcett. Telly Savalas, the vicious droid commander of CBS, escaped the explosion in an escape pod, and using the lightning-fast calculating power of his droid brain, rallied the remaining CBS starfighters to swarm the ABC capital ships. The cybernetic assassin Adrienne Barbeau dueled Ron Howard on the ABC flagship, until their duel shattered the glass of the bridge and sucked them both into space. Just before the annihilation of ABC, Ron Howard's lightsaber impacted Telly Savalas's escape pod, short-circuiting his brain and prompting the CBS crowd to turn on itself in an impressive explosion. There were no survivors.


RicOlieRight
This article is called Battle of the Network Stars. Battle of the Network Stars has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Battle of the Network Stars can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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