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Boba Fett

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KarenTraviss

Oh, the Travissty!

This article contains Mandalorians.

It is likely to contain information provided by Mandalorian fanboys (also known as fandalorians) and the content may be reverted to remove criticism made by "Jedi-lovers".

Boba
Boba Fettacinni
Biographical information
Homeworld

Kamino

Born

Yes

Died

Eventually

Physical description
Species

Human

Gender
Height

tall

Hair color
  • short
  • long and girly
Eye color

glaring

Chronological and political information
Affiliation

Mandalorians

Known masters

Jango Fett

Known apprentices

Mirta Gev

Boba Fett, also known as Bobo or Booboo was like any other schmuck bounty hunter, except for the fact that he was total bad ass. He also was the only bounty hunter that actually managed to score some cash from bounties, unlike those losers Dengar and IG-88. He also had a jetpack and really cool body armor, not to mention a helmet that was better looking than those weird ones. Besides all of this, he was Mandalorian. Because of this, he had an uncanny ability to make Fandalorians drool over him and bow down to his feet. He just ended up shooting them with his wrist rockets.

I guess he isn't like other bounty hunters at all.

Totally died in that fucking pit too.

Very possibly has a barbed penis.

Early LifeEdit

During the Clone Wars Boba was a girl. This was not his fault, but a error in the Kaminoan cloning. After all Boba was a clone of his "father" Jango Fett who was too afraid to have sex with anyone so he had the Kaminoans make an entire clone army just to have a son. Jango died by getting owned by Mace Windu during the Battle of Geonosis. Boba was alone for the first time in his life. So he did what he knew best, hijacking a ship from a Trade Federation hanger. He then went to Coruscant and was kidnapped by a female rapist. After getting raped many times he was delivered to Count Dooku. This event made him a man. He very scarred man. But a man.

Escape from DookuEdit

Dooku kept Fett a prisoner on Raxus Prime. This was the first time in Fett's life that he realized that both Sith and Jedi were major dumbasses. A Republic attack on Raxus Prime allowed him to escape, but we all know he could have escaped anytime he wanted, because he's badass, did I mention that?

The OrphanageEdit

His older brothers found him and took him to a orphanage on Bespin. The female rapist stalked him to Bespin in order to steal money from Boba's father's bank account. She failed, of course, because she was so obsessed with rape that she just had to have it with Rambo Calrissian who was walking around the city with no clothes on because he felt better when his thingy was in cold air. It gave him boners.

Working for Jabba the HuttEdit

Boba escaped and decided to go to Jabba's Palace to hopefully get some Twi'leks and some bounties. Unfortunately he couldn't go there right away, because he was attacked by Durge. Durge was sent to find Boba by Count Dooku. Boba escaped(he was really good at that) and managed to get to Jabba's palace. He was given some sexy armor there and sent on his first job: to torture and/or kill Wat Tambor who owed Jabba a half a credit from fifty years ago.

Boba attempted to assassinate Tambor, but was forced to escape when Grievousarrived and almost killed Boba. Boba would get his revenge later in the war. He tried to chase the Separatist leaders but was attacked by a second rapist. Anakin Crynoob helped Boba escape(again). They landed on a moon and Crynoob helped Boba fix his ship, and then tried to arrest him on the charges that he was to cool. Boba then owned Anakin in hand to hand combat, in which Boba used his fists and Anakin used his lightsaber. Boba only let Anakin lived because he predicted that Anakin would go emo and become a Sith and hire him.


"When do I get paid?"
―Boba Fett to Sean Payton following the Bounty system scandal.

Outta the Sithies' universeEdit

Upon falling into the Sarlaac's pithole, which was really a transversed meta-isotronic warp of the metaverses, a.k.a, a f*cking portal, another reality of Boba was created within the Universe That Most Find Boring, from which you are reading this article. Allegedly, he spawned somewhere in the Himalayas; the terrifying fact of finding himself in another dimesnion didn't bother him at all - pray remember, this is Boba Fett we talkin' about! - and he set to finding some settlement/vehicle/thing he could prey on.

He eventually arrived to Chuck Norris' Fortress of Solitude, where he was taught English - pray remember, he spoke Galactic Standard - by the grand Chuck Himself, was given a bank account in Switzerland full of Nazi Aztec gold, and from whence he set out to make fortune on Earth.

Over the years, his exploits shook the world. He hunted down and eliminated, respectively, Adolf Hitler, Elvis Presley, John F. Kennedy (he was really aiming at his dipshit car), Amy Winehouse and others.

His most recent exploit, Michael Jackson, forced him to go into hiding stay undercover for some time, away from the wrath of wrathful fans of the abovementioned. He was, however, once again hired - this time to destroy Justin Bieber's persona by cutting his hair to make him look mildly male; the opperation was a success, Bieber sank into a deep depression and even began dating Selena Gomez. Go figure.

Recently, he was paid to poison Justin's face cream. No, it was not POISON poison, it was just an ingredient with some foul smelling chemicals that can cause dizziness and nausea. It did it's trick, Justin Bieber applied it to his face before going on stage and felt sick and ended up throwing up on stage in front of millions of viewers. PWNT!!!11!!1!

Even more recently, he tried out for the New Orleans Saints' bounty system and was to be the team's newest linebacker had the system not been shut down the following season.

Some Exploits of HisEdit




RicOlieRight
This article is called Boba Fett. Boba Fett has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Boba Fett can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
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Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Boba Fett.

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