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Brian Fett

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This article is called Brian Fett. Brian Fett has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Brian Fett can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
BF
Brian Fett
Biographical information
Homeworld

Coruscant

Born

Amazingly

Died

Terribly

Physical description
Species

Amazing

Gender

Male

Height

Over 1.9 meters

Hair color

The mask is covering it, but probably an amazing shade of black

Eye color

Unknown due to mask

Cybernetics

None

Chronological and political information
Era(s)

Galactic Empire

Affiliation

Sith

Known masters

Darth Awesome

Known apprentices

None

Brian Fett: "So Dad, whatcha doing?"
Boba Fett: "Just pouring some hazelnut syrup into my... wait. Why are we all out of hazelnut syrup?"
Brian Fett: "Funny you should mention that...."
— A typical exchange between Brian Fett and his father, Boba Fett[src]

Brian Fett aka Darth Amazing was a Sith Overlord and the most awesome Sith ever. He was even more awesome then Darth Awesome. Why is he that awesome? Because of the awesome genes of his awesome parents. And just who were his parents? Who else? Boba Fett and Mara Jade.

At the Annual Awesome People Convention on Coruscant, Boba Fett was looking at Mara Jade and there was definitely something that caught our Mandalorian friend's eye on task! Mara, who wasn't tied down with Luke Skywalker at the time and didn't give a damn (he wasn't invited to the Awesome Convention for obvious reasons), saw something in him too. These feelings intensified when Boba saved Mara's life from one of the most formidable threats in the galaxy. The two decided to get married and opened up a store that sold fat frozen yogurt. After not-too-long-a-time, the happy couple had relations and Brian was born.

When Brian was ten, Mara and Boba both headed for Jabba's Palace on Tatooine in hopes of settling a score with the captured Luke Skywalker. During the time they were away, Brian was left at home. In the middle of the night, Darth Awesome broke into his house searching for an apprentice nearly as awesome as he was, and took Brian for his own. Doing many tasks for his master, the two established the Awesome Empire with the Awesome council. Unfortunately, he was killed by his mother when she accidentally destroyed his planet, which she thought Luke was on. At the funeral, she and Boba decided to hit it off again and they had another sexy kid so Brian was forgotten. Shame.

Biography Edit

Birth Edit

Meeting Mara Edit

Mara: "So you're that Boba Fett guy! That insanely awesome Mandalorian bounty hunter!"
Boba: "Yeah, I am... so, do you want to go to McDonald's with me and we'll split a burger?"
Mara: "I love burgers! But can we get some frozen yogurt after?"
Boba: "Are you joking? Frozen yogurt is awesome! It's like ice-cream but without all the unnecessary saturated fats...."
―Boba Fett and Mara Jade, upon first seeing each other

Palpatine, Emperor of the galaxy, is holding the 78th Annual Awesome People Convention. He invited Mara to come for being one of his appendages, and Boba because he was a Mandalorian. All Mandalorians are invited to the Awesome Convention. Except for Jango Fett, but that was because he never got ahead in life, if you catch my gist.

So Boba was at the Mandalorian booth signing jetpacks and stuff while Mara was across the room at the Emperor Appendage booth handing out autographed pitchers of her famous homemade lemonade. After a while Boba started getting thirsty so he walked over to her lemonade stand.

They looked at each other. Mara gave him a smile and a little "wink, wink" that always made Boba go wild whenever the Mandalorian chicks did it, but they weren't nearly as attractive as she was. When Mara had her break Boba came over to go talk to her. Eventually he had enough courage to ask her if she'd split a burger with him at McDonald's, which she agreed to. There, at the restaurant, tragedy would strike that would leave the pair closer than before.

Incident at McDonald's Edit

Boba: "Mara, are you okay?"
Mara: "No, I still need something to revive me... like the kiss of life."
Boba: "I can do that!"
— Boba Fett rescues the grateful Mara Jade from the brink of death[src]

Mara and Boba are splitting their Angus burger when tragedy strikes. Mara, who just took a huge bite and didn't take a sip of soda after (always do this, kids, it's even more important than washing your hands) started choking. Hard. Everyone in the whole restaurant was staring at her like a bunch of gaping idiots. Finally Boba came to his senses. He didn't know CPR, but there was a sign at the far end of the room that had instructions. However, his eyesight wasn't what it was. Dragging the choking Mara to the far end of the room he carefully read all the instructions before proceeding to do them. Several minutes later, Mara let out a choking gasp and a piece of lettuce flew out of her mouth, flying thirty feet across the room before it finally hit and smashed a light bulb. Mara asked Boba to kiss her in front of all those cheering spectators, then proposed a second date. That date went so well they decided on having a third one. And a fourth one. And a fifth one. And the rest is history.

Early Life Edit

Mara: "How long is it going to take him to shut up?"
Boba: "If he's anything like Anakin Skywalker, I'd say another twenty years."
— Mara and Boba with their whiny newborn son, Brian

Mara and Boba got married on Coruscant and moved into a swanky apartment Palpy gave them as a wedding gift. Wanting to spend more time together, the two worked part-time on their old jobs, part-time on living a dream they both shared- opening up the first fat-free frozen yogurt shop on Coruscant. There, on Coruscant, their son Brian was born. Proud parents Boba and Mara raised their son to be a successful salesman, a hard-working janitor, and a great maker of frozen yogurt.

Brian was an artistic kid who loved drawing. Mara (Boba couldn't have cared less) let him design all the promotional fliers for their shop. He was the genius who came up with Jax Pavan Special, which gave every Jax Pavan that bought a cup of frozen yogurt medium or larger 20% off. Take that, Ben Skywalker! Did he ever come up with an idea like that? I think not.

Anyway, the Jax Pavan Day grew so successful that the shop was crowded with customers, so poor Brian couldn't go to school. But because they were both so awesome, Mara and Boba trained their in the things that they were best at doing, which was a lot better than school. Mara taught him the Force and the awesome Dark Side, while Boba showed Brian how to fight Mandalorian style. Mara's boss Palpatine hoped to get rid of Darth Vader and make Brian his apprentice he was so ridiculously awesome, but unfortunately, a strange series of events happened that prevented Old Palpy from getting his second Darth Maul.

His Parent's Farewell Edit

Brian: "But why can't I come too?"
Boba: "Kid, it's too dangerous for you. Your mother and I are embarking on a serious life-threatening mission."
Brian: "What's it about?"
Boba: "Oh, umm... well, your mother is all upset over this Luke Skywalker guy knocking over a tray of red wine that spilled all over her shoes, so we're infiltrating Jabba's palace because she wants to give him a... So long!"
―The last conversation Brian ever had with his father Boba

When Brian was ten, his parents went off to Tatooine for revenge on Luke Skywalker. Contrary to popular belief, Mara Jade was not in Jabba the Hutt's palace because Palpatine asked her to. Mara was having a cocktail party at the shop and Luke, who was there, managed to knock over a tray carrying expensive red wine, which spilled all over Mara's new 650 credit shoes. She had vowed revenge ever since. Boba was there because he wanted to laugh at the frozen Han Solo, who was not his best friend when they were on the high school football team together. Unfortunately, Boba was eaten by a sarlacc on this mission, but Brian never got to hear the news as he was kidnapped by Darth Awesome.

Kidnap by Darth Awesome Edit

Brian: "Who are you?"
Darth Awesome: "I am the Sith Lord, Darth Awesome!"
Brian: "Oh... it couldn't have killed you to ring the doorbell?"
Darth Awesome: "I could've, but I'm too awesome for that."
―Brian and Darth Awesome

Brian was lying down on the couch watching TV while cramming nachos into his mouth when he heard a loud crashing sound. Walking across the hall to investigate, he found the door smashed open and the Sith Lord, Darth Awesome, looking at him. Darth Awesome told Brian that while Brian was awesome, his awesomeness would never be fully recognized if he wouldn't be trained under him. So Brian agreed to be his apprentice, taking on the name Darth Amazing, and they took off to build the new Awesome Empire.

The Awesome Empire Edit

"To conquer an empire, it takes strength, skill, and courage. As well as fliers, lots and lots of fliers. A Death Star wouldn't go amiss either. You can't take on an empire without having those two."
―Darth Awesome, to Darth Amazing

The first thing Darth Amazing had to do was use his artistic skills to make fliers advertising the Awesome Empire and post them all over Coruscant. What made the cause catch people's eyes was that the Awesome Empire would charge no taxes for five years from people that supported it. All the corrupt Imperial politicians, and there were a great many of those on Coruscant, threw Palpy out and put up Darth Awesome and Darth Amazing in his place.

Together, the two founded the Awesome Council, a council of awesome people. Darth Amazing's mother Mara was appointed to the council for her sheer awesomeness, so Amazing gave her a Death Star. He would later regret this, as this would lead to his demise.

Demise Edit

"Hey, what's that in the sky? It looks like a bird, a plane... oh, crap."
―Darth Amazing, just before his planet got destroyed by Mara Jade

Lord Amazing decided to go to Mustafar to meet up with his master. Mara, however, had other plans. From sources she managed to terrify, she learned that her enemy Luke Skywalker was on Mustafar. Taking her new Death Star, she zapped it with the laser thingy and the whole planet exploded. This marked the end of Darth Amazing's life and the Awesome Empire.

Mara was held a funeral at her shop on Coruscant where she served black frozen yogurt to all her guests as a sign of grief. Her former husband Boba, who the sarlacc burped up, was also there attending. Weeping, Mara set a bouquet of black roses by her son's grave, whose epitaph read: He looked up to see if the Death Star was coming. It was.

After Edit

"Boba, I'm so sad now that Brian is dead... are you doing anything next Friday night?"
―Mara Jade's intense grief over the death of her son Darth Amazing

In a matter of days, Mara forgot about Brian's death. In fact, when someone asked how she was getting over Brian, she reportedly asked, "Brian? Who's Brian?". She rekindled her relationship with Boba and they had another kid, which I'm not going to talk about but feel free to write an article on them. Just don't bother me to edit it. I'll be too busy getting my Coruscanti frozen yogurt!

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