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Cad Bane

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Cad bane
Cad Bane
Biographical information
Homeworld

Duro

Physical description
Species

Duros

Gender

Male

Hair color

None

Eye color

Red, just to prove that he is EVOL

Cybernetics

those tubes near his head, or is that part of his fedora?

Chronological and political information
Era(s)

Rise of the Empire era

Affiliation

Cad Bane's Posse

"Yee-Haw!"
―Cad Bane, when he sadly raped the Senate.

Cad Bane a.k.a. Bane the Kid was a Duros cowboy who was an outlaw to the Galactic Republic. He was also a Meth addict.

BiographyEdit

Hostage CrisisEdit

In 22 BBY, Cad Bane and his homeboys went to the Galactic Senate building in an attempt to free Jabba the Hutt's gay uncle. They captured the building and held all of the senators, including Padmé Amidala, her Rodian uncle, Bail Organa, C-3PO, and others hostage. They shot some three-eyed idiot for trying to walk away. They then captured The Emo One and electrocuted him, and guess what? They didn't use Force lightning. Can you believe that? Anyway, they freed the gay Hutt and almost blew up the senators if The Emo One didn't wake up in time and save their asses.

Cargo of DoomEdit

VanCleefBane

Some time later, Emo One and Ahsoka Tano went after Bane, who was kidnapping Jedi babies and decided to Rape The Orange Bitch while doing the old Michael Jackson on them, this time on Mustafar.

Prequel Madness!Edit

It turns out that before he had to free the gay Hutt from prison, he was summoned by the entire Corleone Hutt family, where the main dons talked about the public admiration that would ensue if a Hutt revealed that he was gay in a homophobic family. Cad Bane openly suggested that he could prevent the situation from happening, but he didn't explain that he actually meant freeing the Hutt and not being there to prevent him from talking; although Don Luchessi wanted to make a transgender operation so that non-Hutts couldn't notice that the gay hutt was a man instead of a woman. Whatever. In the end, Cad Bane thought he needed to find a genders expert, so he preferred to kidnap C-3PO and get him to give a public speech regarding all about coming out of the closet. After learning enough, Bane promised to marry C-3PO if he went back to The Emo One and The Orange Bitch and didn't tell a thing. Sadly, Threepio waited and waited for years and Bane never came back to marry him.

After the gay Hutt was freed, he had to pay Bane through unconventional means because he didn't have any money. It turns out, though, that he liked chicks, so he discovered he was bi. Not the girl though, she was absolutely lesbian and thought the fat Hutt was a chick too. In the end, the bi Hutt took his girlfriend to a rock spot where he intended to kiss her on the same spot as his mom. When the girlfriend suggested a lesbian orgy, he discovered the bi Hutt was male and killed him on plain sight. Oh, yeah, Bane didn't have to do with that, but you wanted to get all the gender's dirtiest secrets, right?

Behind the scenesEdit

Cad Bane spelled backwards is Enab Dac. Or is it Dac Enab?

Cad Bane was originally created as the protagonist character for that Destroy All Humans game but George Lucas managed to afford the game's license so he can star him in Revenge of the Sith which didn't come through as expected. Four years later Cad finally saw the light and evolved into a huge bad ass like Darth Secret

Cad Bane is a drug addict who is so addicted he injects liquid crack into his system by the use of pumps screwed into his cheeks. He can pump crack, meth, coke, or some random medication in and it's always with a smile on his face.


RicOlieRight
This article is called Cad Bane. Cad Bane has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Cad Bane can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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