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Carth Onasi (fangirl dream)

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Die, Blasphemer! This article is blasphemous, as there is only one perfect man, and he is Kyle Katarn. This dude's just a wuss. A whiny wuss. He can't even match with this. But we'll just leave it here. For now. Besides, it might be entertaining. If you're a fangirl.

This article is about the fangirls wetdream. You may be looking for the real Carth Onasi.
Carth Onasi

Carth onasi

Biographical information
Homeworld

Telos IV

Born

The greatest day in the Star Wars Universe

Died

Hopefully never

Physical description
Species

sexiest man alive

Gender

Male

Height

Unknown

Hair color

Dark brown

Eye color

Brown

Cybernetics

No

Personal shit
Chronological and political information
Era(s)

Old Republic era

Affiliation
Known masters

Revan

Carth Onasi was born on Telos IV, where he was created by the Force as the ideal man.

Early lifeEdit

Carth's childhood was rather difficult due to the fact that he had to deal with hundreds of men and women throwing themselves at him constantly. It's not easy being five years old and getting marriage proposals from dozens of women everyday. He was finally forced to join the Naval Academy to escape his hordes of admirers.

Life in the academyEdit

Life at the academy wasn't much easier for Carth when his instructors were propositioning him every day in class. It was during this time that Carth met Saul Karath. Like every other person, Saul fell obsessively in love with Carth on first sight. While most people were able to eventually get over Carth's rejection of them, Saul tried to commit suicide twelve times after Carth got married and eventually swore that he would find a way to have Carth all to himself.

Life as a star pilotEdit

After leaving the academy, Carth became the greatest pilot the galaxy has ever known. During the Mandalorian Wars, he killed more Mandalorians than anyone else which wasn't hard since every Mandalorian he met threw themselves at Carth's feet in shock at his amazing coolness.

Still smarting from Carth's rejection, Saul decided that if he killed Carth's wife, Carth would be certain to fall in love with him, so he bombed Telos into a pile of ash. When Carth did not come running into his arms, Saul thought about having a go at Carth's teenage son, but found himself once again rejected.

Jolly adventures with Darth RevanEdit

Carth

Carth puts on a dashing smile for the female Revan.

Revan: "Hey, Carth, are you busy tonight?"
Carth: "Any particular reason why?"
Revan: "Since you were busy last night with Bastila and Juhani, I figured it was my turn tonight."
— Revan, wishing to experience the full glory of Carth's sexiness

At some time he met an amnesiac Revan and a whole bunch of other gangsters, they would have many adventures. Carth was forced to lock himself in the cockpit throughout the adventure to defend himself from Revan who was constantly throwing himself at Carth. Carth became particularly worried when he discovered Revan making out with his jacket. If he didn't have so many options it may have been a turn on.

During his adventures, Carth ran into his son who had joined the Sith because he was so jealous that he had not inherited any of his father's sexiness. He was also forced to kill Saul after Saul decided to kill Revan out of jealousy. Even Darth Malak offered to surrender with the condition that Carth become his lover.

At some space factory, Carth was able to kill every Sith on it because they all stopped to drool when they saw him.

Later lifeEdit

Carth was later forced to retire to an uninhabited planet to avoid Revan who would not stop stalking him.

The Orange JacketEdit

Carth always wore an orange jacket that made him twice as sexy as normal, a very difficult feat for the sexiest man alive. His wife originally bought it for him because she though it was ugly and it would make other women leave him alone.

See alsoEdit

RicOlieRight
This article is called Carth Onasi (fangirl dream). Carth Onasi (fangirl dream) has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Carth Onasi (fangirl dream) can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
WookieepediaLogoBouncing
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Carth Onasi.

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