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Cay Qel-Droma

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CayBadHairDay
Cay Qel-Droma
Biographical information
Homeworld

Alderaan

Born

3996 BBY

Died

Humiliating

Physical description
Species

Human

Gender
Hair color

Blond

Eye color

Brown, bloodshot, cybernetic

Cybernetics

Prosthetic everything at one time or another

Personal shit
Chronological and political information
Affiliation

Jedi

Known masters

Arca Jeth

"Yo, bro, don't go to the dark side!"
―Cay, to his brother Ulic

Cay Qel-Droma was a well-meaning Human Jedi knight, God bless him, but just not very good at his job. He spent the majority of his life waging a terrible struggle with his brother Ulic Qel-Droma and with his own extremities. Eventually, his brother and his extremities won the battle.

BiographyEdit

Early lifeEdit

"GAAAAAAAAH! Owie, owie, owie! Well, now that I'm done trimming my fingernails, I guess it's time to start on the toenails. GAAAAAAAAH!"
―Cay Qel-Droma

Shortly after his birth, Cay became fascinated by his own umbilical cord. Already strong with the Force, he summoned a lightsaber to his barely formed newborn hand and swung wildly, nearly slicing off half of his stomach in the process. The doctors were fortunately able to wrest the lightsaber out of his grasp and apply bacta, but Cay had already set a precedent for his troubled life.

His childhood was spent trimming his fingernails and bleeding all over his schoolwork. He insisted on cutting his own hair. This gave him a unique, rough-hewn look... and also several nicks and cuts about his head, neck and face. His best friend was his brother Ulic, a noble and gifted Jedi remarkably free of scars.

Training and skillsEdit

"Ooh, wow, you have lekku instead of hair? That's cool."
"You come any closer and I'll start the 'cho sun' lessons early.
"
―Cay and his teacher, Tott Doneeta

Ulic and Cay trained together with Tott Doneeta, a patient if slightly twitchy Twi'lek who insisted that Cay never come within a hundred yards of him with an activated lightsaber. Though Cay was a quick learner and able Jedi, he also demonstrated a fascination for machinery and engineering. He built and modified many droids, and his room was soon filled with robotic prototypes, some missing an arm, some missing a leg. Most of his droids were only capable of walking in a perpetual circle, if they were capable of walking at all.

In between trips to the hospital to apologize to amputees and their families, Cay learned the Jedi Code and the basics of lightsaber combat. Doneeta insisted he train with a wooden stick instead of a lightsaber most of the time. When his parents were watching, he used a hologram.

Mission to OnderonEdit

OwMyArm1

Cay loses his first arm; hard to believe it didn't happen sooner

"Hey, I can use my new robotic arm to open beer bottles without a – oh, damn, it's fallen off again."
―Cay Qel-Droma

Cay and Ulic voyaged with their master Arca Jeth to the planet Onderon, hoping to resolve the disastrous Beast Wars that had raged across the planet for centuries. The three were immediately attacked by Beast Riders riding drexls, but after a few minutes of fighting, all the drexls' wings fell off, along with Master Arca's ponytail and the landing gear of their starship. "Whoops," said Cay.

OwMyArm2

Cay's arm comes off again

In their first attempt to broker peace between the City-State of Iziz and the Beast Riders, Cay and Ulic found themselves in the middle of an attack on the throne room. In the midst of the chaos, Cay was shot in the arm, and a palace guard sliced it off with a vibroblade. Screaming wildly, he fled the scene and stanched the bleeding with a medikit. In the hallway, he met a kind XT-6 droid, who offered to shake hands, and when Cay did, the droid's arm fell off (this often happened to droids in Cay's immediate vicinity). Cay shrugged, grabbed a hydrospanner, and fashioned the arm into a crude cybernetic limb. The droid tried doing the same thing with Cay's severed arm, but didn't have any luck.

Later on in the mission, Cay and Ulic battled with Freedon Nadd's dark-side forces. Warb Null led a savage onslaught of Sith and Sith war droids against Iziz. Cay, fearless as ever, leapt into battle and got his cybernetic arm hacked off by a war droid. Crying out in embarrassment, he cut off the droid's arm and was halfway through fashioning its arm into another crude cybernetic replacement when another war droid cut it off, and the cycle began anew. When the battle ended, Cay had three cybernetic toes, a cybernetic earlobe, a cybernetic left nipple, a cybernetic right thumb, and a Sith droid arm that was always attempting to give a Sieg Heil salute.

Brother against brotherEdit

QelDromaDuel

The final great duel to the death between Ulic and Cay

"Just a flesh wound."
"You liar!"
"Come on, ya pansy!
"
―Cay, dueling with his brother

But all was not well even after the Sith defeat, for Ulic Qel-Droma had fallen to the dark side and joined Exar Kun in his evil quest to rule the galaxy. Cay was so hurt by this betrayal, he accidentally cut off one of his kneecaps in despair.

The two brothers met for the last time on Ossus, prepared to duel to the death. Vowing he would not let his brother's evil ways continue, Cay drew his lightsaber, accidentally cutting off his belt in the process. Ulic returned the gesture, somewhat less clumsily, and the duel began. In the first exchange, Ulic sliced off his brother's droid arm. "Now the galaxy is mine!" shouted Ulic, but Cay kept coming. "Stop that," said Ulic. "It's just a scratch," replied Cay, pressing the attack. Ulic shrugged and sliced off the other arm, which Cay insisted was just a flesh wound. Still, Cay refused to yield. Ulic cut off his leg. "The light side shall triumph over evil!" "Cay," said Ulic, "you're my brother and a worthy opponent, but what are you gonna do? Bleed on me?"

But eventually seeing his brother so helpless convinced Ulic to return to the light side. He promised to go to the nearest Radio Shack and pick up enough spare parts to rebuild all of his limbs, but it took so long to get there and buy the electronics and fill out all his personal information (why does Radio Shack need your address and Social Security number, anyway?) that by the time he got back, Cay had bled to death. Somehow, in the meantime, Cay had managed to cut off his one remaining leg. Nobody ever figured out how.

SourcesEdit

RicOlieRight
This article is called Cay Qel-Droma. Cay Qel-Droma has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Cay Qel-Droma can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
WookieepediaLogoBouncing
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Cay Qel-Droma.
  • Tales of the Jedi: Mostly Armless
  • Tales of the Jedi: No Arm, No Foul
  • Tales of the Jedi: Not Again! Gah, Why Does This Keep Happening to Me?
  • Tales of the Jedi: Come Back, I'll Bite Your Legs Off!

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