The Vong would have started their invasion much earlier if it wasn't for their poor choice in one particular scout that rather spent his time in Chalmuns.


Sometimes you want to go where everybody has your name, and no person looks the same....♫

Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Chalmun's Cantina.
"♫ Making your way in the world today, ♫
♫ Takes everything you’ve got. ♫
♫ He doesn't like you and neither do I, ♫
♫ Your likely to get shot. ♫
♫ Wouldn’t you like to get away....♫
♫ Sometimes you want to go; ♫
♫ Where everybody knows your name, ♫
♫ No single person looks the same. ♫
♫ You want to be where you can see, ♫
♫ Our troubles are all the same;
♫ You want to be where everybody hates your guts. ♫
♫ Singing the blues when the Rebels lose,♫
♫ it’s a crisis in your life. ♫
♫ On the run from a guy with a gun,♫
♫ and all you have is a knife. ♫
♫ wouldn't you like to get away..♫
♫ Sometimes you want to go; ♫
♫ Where everybody has your name,♫
♫ Shoot Rodians without the blame.♫
♫ You want to be where you can see, ♫
♫ Our troubles are all the same. ♫
♫ You want to be where everybody hates your guts. ♫
―Theme song

Chalmun's Cantina was a cantina/brothel/pub where various aliens that easily got pissed off at Jedi, weirdos, and Irish people hung out. Most of the drinks served were not just piss-poor, but actual piss straight from Chalmun himself. Wuher and Ackmena were the most popular (and ugly) bartenders.

Walrus Dude was a frequent visitor, and he would meet Doctor Evazan at the cantina every Friday for a date.

The Cantina stopped admitting droids after one of Watto's failed inventions exploded and totally ruined, like, Chalmun's decor, y'know. That stuff's like, totally worth a lot of money, man. This discrimination against droids led, however, to the destruction of the Cantina by disgruntled members of the Trade Federation Veterans Union, who then sold the succulently fat Chalmun to Jawas to be made into Jawa Juice.

This article is called Chalmun's Cantina. Chalmun's Cantina has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Chalmun's Cantina can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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