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Clone trooper

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Clonetrooper2
Clone Trooper
Designation

CT-1 through 1,500,000,000

Planet of origin

Kamino

Height of average adult

6'5

Average length

They were pretty fit guys

Average wingspan
Skin color

A nice Brown shade

Hair color

Silky Black

Eye color

Brown

Distinctions

Well every single one of them sort of looked the same. and talked the same...and did everything else the same

"CT-153 give CT-122 some decent cover while CT-542 is trying to flank the enemy position, CT-223, CT-334, and CT-549 with me while we take down that mortar position."
―Clone Commander giving decisive commands to all 1000 troops

Clone Troopers were a bunch of poor schmucks who stood in front of the Republic whenever some Sith or robot leveled a blaster at it. Clone Troopers were the protectors of peace, the Sword of righteousness, and pretty much the utter PWN for the Republic. They were care-free guys in their mid-20s and with straight orientation who enjoyed walks on the beaches and Piña Coladas. They had no idea that they were working for some evil maniacal Emperor. They served a hypocritical government and were sworn to protect people in the galaxy who never loved them, and they died incomplete. Their sexuality is in question since they're a bunch of guys who eat together and almost never see a woman in their life before they end up worm food. Although if a pair do engage in some naughty behavior, you have to wonder if it's masturbation, since they are all the same person, we'll leave to someone who cares to decide.

Picking the Perfect SubjectEdit

TemueraMorrison

In the End, Jango Won it all!

"Clones are people too!"
―A clone trooper on his treatment by the Galactic Republic

The Kaminoans got the order from the Republic that they needed to make an army and they had to do it fast. Well, since the Confederacy of Independent Systems used battle droids, they had to think of another but more effective alternative. With this done they put up the search for the perfect donor for mass producing genetics. After putting an ad in the Sunday paper, applicants from all over the galaxy turned in a picture of themselves (including Chancellor Palpatine).

It was a very Close tie in the end, but Jango Fett and his Mandalorian background pretty much made him the utter bad-ass of the whole competition. Sean Connery came really close to winning, but was disqualified due to his heavy accent. The Racist Kid wasn't really cutting it because he was too small and Pee-Wee Herman got arrested for that Expanding it incident in the theaters.

The Cloning Process Edit

Clonetroopercase

Clone Troopers individually packed during the Finished Product

"Wonder if it has a lap-dance function?"
―Unfortunate clone, who got sold to a strip club

Well Cloning was a very very very complicated process and apparently the Kaminoans were the only ones recognized for the amazing process. After extracting the DNA from Jango they went through this step by step process.

  1. Place Clone bars on Clone crackers.
  2. Toast Clonemallows.
  3. Place toasted Clonemallows on Clone bars to melt Clone chocolate.
  4. Rinse and Repeat

With the Cloning phase being done with lead-free materials, the Kaminoans were ready to hand over the most powerful army in the galaxy to the Galactic Republic and the not so evil, not corrupt, not backstabbing, not a molester, not a rapist, not disturbed, and definitely not a Dark Lord of the Sith, Chancellor Palpatine.

With this done Clones were sold for about 200 credits each. If you were to buy a battalion special it will cost about 250,000 credits and the Kaminoans even threw in some complimentary tanks, ships, and specialized personnel (no not like that, you perverts). The Clones quickly sold out during the first day of their launch, but thanks to the massive pre-order made by the republic they got a majority of the clones, but some fell through the cracks and were sold to the nerd camping outside the store (For his Star Wars selection. Unfortunately, those clones died of asphyxiation due to being left in their package for too long).

War, Battles, and Death Edit

Clonetrooper1

As you can see behind me, were getting totally fucked.

Yoda: "..and like fire, the Clone Wars spread. "
Random Jedi Padawan: "You don't start sentences with "and" you illiterate bitch!"
Yoda: "Ass kicked, you shall be."
— Yoda reminiscing the Clone Wars[[ Random Jedi Padawan|[src]]]

With the beginning of the Clone Wars during the Battle of Geonosisthe Clones were sent what they were trained, bred, and forced to do. Clones proved to be very effective against the battle droids and war in general (they WERE cloned from Jango) but still it was a war they were not supposed to fight. Some Clones began to ponder why they were fighting for a Republic that didn't even care for their safety. The Republic cared more about financial value then their safety and the truth is clones were expendable.

Cannonfodder

"Ready to die for no good reason, Sir!" - CT-00??

Specialized Classes Edit

Clonetrooper3

I wish my armor was painted with the colors of a rainbow *sad face*

Clones were trained to do a variety of things from being riflemen, vehicle specialists, commando!, and even maids. They were marked by the following color classes

  1. 501st Legion— were Vader's elite soldiers (also known as his bitch unit). They were assigned the color Blue because that was Vader's favorite color.
  2. Airborne Troopers— got the color orange for there armor because they were fierce like tigers when fighting and when in bed.
  3. Galactic Marines— had the color maroon on their armor. They were trained to fight in both space and the ground, meaning that their primary method of attack was being sucked out through an airlock in order to clog up the incoming enemies' engines whith their bodies. Their primary purpose was to defend hangars from being invaded and their ship sabotaged
  4. Green Guys on Kashyyyk— These were clones on that specialized in fighting in woodsy areas, such as Kashyyyk. Yoda, like the little frog that he was, probably had something to do with the color scheme, but lets not elaborate on that little incident... Dirty little....
  5. Plain Old White Clones— These clones were the cannon fodder of the whole Grand Army of the Republic and were usually given the most menial tasks, from being used as decoys to lure battle droids out of hiding, to meat shields for the Jedi. Their white armor allowed them to fight better in white rooms, on snowy terrain, and had the added bonus of providing Droids with a nice, bright target to shoot at. Basically, if you saw one of these guys, chances are they'd die immediately, if not about 5 minutes later.

Order 66 Edit

Order66

Son of a Bitch! this Jedi was harder then we thought, Damn elf ears fooled me!

You've got mail — "Commander execute order 66"
Clone Commander: "Of all fucking times..."
Female Jedi: "What was that, baby?"
Clone Commander: "Just a message saying you don't have to go to work tomorrow."
— Clone Commander, getting Order 66 while sleeping with a Jedi[src]

When Order 66 was initiated ,some of the clones were shocked at having to kill Jedi. In the end, though, 99% of the clones followed through because they were tired of the Jedi's superiority complex.

While most, if not all clones killed their Jedi Generals, some clones actually deserted and saved the Jedi that protected them. Take the guy above in the dialogue, he didn't actually kill his Jedi Girlfriend, they just ran away to Corellia, started a family, and had 27 kids (Ever wonder who Corran Horn's REAL daddy was? not Nejaa Halcyon). Not everyone has to be a sick mean bitch, but this is Darthipedia and this is how we do things around here. There are some good people out there but there all just F**!

AfterwardsEdit

Clonetrooperdead

"They Died for a Galaxy that never loved them"

"I can't believe I gave my left leg, right ear, and right incisor for this cause"
―Clone reminiscing on the New Empire

Apparently, with the issue of a single verbal command, clone troopers could go from being good guys to being evil henchmen (Deus Ex Machina?). A fortunate side effect of this was that their ability to fire their weapons accurately disappeared and they lost all semblance of intelligence.


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This article is called Clone trooper. Clone trooper has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Clone trooper can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
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Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Clone trooper.

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