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Cloud City

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"Get high in Cloud City!"
Lando Calrissian

Cloud City was a small outpost and a covert tibanna gas mining colony on the planet Bespin, or so everyone thought. But deep within the walls of this station, dark secrets of sex, money, drugs, and POWAH loom.....

LayoutEdit

  • Cloud City consisted of 392 levels, in addition to the drug stores and marijuana care facility. The level-arrangements were as follows:
  • Level 51-100: Drug care facilities
  • Level 101-120: Meeting and drug shipment facility
  • Level 121-160: Ice and blue milk storage for the Ice Cream Guy
  • Level 161-220: Lando's pimpin pad
  • Level 221-280: The Disco
  • Level 281-370: Gas refinery, just for show.
  • Level 371-392: The "Bong" center, were the station fumed smoke, or, rather, gases from the drugs.

GovernmentEdit

"Government? What the hell is Government? Is that a new drug?"
―Lando Calrissian

Basically, Lando had all the POWAH, and only his close advisers got any ass on station, because he hogged the women.

PopulationEdit

The population mostly was a combination of nobles, only there to fool the Empire if, by some chance, they came for inspection. The rest were needy druggies that either were there for Lando, or for Lando's weed. The only people on the station who didn't depend on the weed were, in fact, the Ugnaughts, the ones who did all the work on the station that Lando was to lazy or to stoned to do.

Monitoring and upkeepEdit

"Han, if you knew how this thing flew, it would Blow your mind!"
―Lando to Han Solo in a private and drug filled conversation

Somewhere along the line, Lando got so high on marijuana he began drawing schematics for a giant bong. This bong, essentially, became the new fuel source for Cloud City. He built the pillar under the base after finding the schematics under his bed. It ran on ground marijuana that exuded from the tailpipe and filled the air. So, essentially, everyone that has breathed in Cloud City air has gotten high.

Lando, even after the destruction of the station, kept this a secret from the hippies.

HistoryEdit

The Cover StoryEdit

"Welcome to Cloud City! The disco is in the main installation, three flights up. Rooms are just above. What? You're here for Tibanna Gas? Oh, well..... we're sorry to say that our wells recently ran dry and we won't have any gas for a year or two. Sorry for the inconvenience, and enjoy your stay!"
―A receptionist covering up the stations lack of Tibanna gas

To all outerworldly eyes, Cloud City was a mere backwater tibanna gas dealer. It was a perfect cover, floating over a gas giant, no one would expect. Just as Lando Calrissian wanted it. The Imperials never stuck their nose into the business, and the Rebels were so busy running from the Empire they couldn't inspect anything.

In truth, the members of Cloud City were digging up supplies, but it wasn't gas at all...

The Drug OverworldEdit

"Oh, the ladies can't get enough of the Lando."
―Lando after every time he had relations
BillyDee

Lando, marijuana pimp holding a bong cleverly disguised as a blaster

The truth behind this station was for a long time a closely guarded secret. The fact was, however, that the planet below had the largest supply of marijuana in the galaxy. The Ice Cream Guy owned the section of the planet that had the plants, so Lando made him a deal: Cloud City would supply blue milk and Ice for the Ice Cream Guy's drug laced Ice Cream, in exchange for large portions of marijuana.

Cloud City became the number one suppliers of marijuana in the galaxy. From Telos to Endor, crime lords flocked to get there drugs. Lando became the Bespin Pimp, a man all the crime lords wanted on there sides and all the woman druggies wanted in their beds, a man who flew around in a tricked-out cloud car with 24-inch rims... even though that made no sense. He opened a Disco from the profits, which turned out to be a huge hit. (Disco troopers were strictly forbidden from entering.) All things seemed perfect, until a Certain Wookiee and his two hoes busted the scene.

The destruction of Cloud CityEdit

"Chewie... Chewie was right... I shouldn't have cut him out of the profits in favor of the Ice Cream Guy. Its a shame, though....no, wait. Chewie, I didn't mean it... WAIT!''"
―Lando before his epic Wookiee-Nookie

Lando had it all, and he thought he'd have it forever.

Hatecrime

Lando was holding out, so Chewie persuaded him a bit

RicOlieRight
This article is called Cloud City. Cloud City has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Cloud City can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
WookieepediaLogoBouncing
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Cloud City.

He was wrong.

The Millennium Falcon landed at his base one day. Happy to see his old Smoking buddy Han Solo, Lando went to greet them personally, only to meet rival dealer Chewbacca. Chewbacca demanded a cut of his money and control of the marijuana on the station and the planet below. Lando, negligent to give up his funds and his friend the Ice Cream Guy, denied the offer. Chewie picked him up by the throat and threatened him with his life. Lando, crapping his pants (literally), called Big Daddy V and Boba Fett for help. The two managed to freeze Han, which angered Chewie extremely. After collecting his other bitches, and blew up Cloud City as a message to all who oppose him. "Don't mess with my bitches or my profits, or I'll put a cap in your ass."

Lando, fearful of Chewbacca, became his new bitch, and helped the rebels win he war.

Lando later would become hugely homesick, so, after life threats and a good choking collaboration with Chewie, he created Grand theft Auto: Cloud City, in which you play as Chewbacca, striving to get new bitches and get more weed. The release didn't come until after Chewie's untimely death, and Lando was forced to give all the funds to Chewie's kid due to Chewie forcing Obi-Wan to threaten him as a force ghost out of the kindness in his heart, gave them to Chewie's son.

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