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The following are a series of documents discovered in the personal quarters of Jedi Master Michael Kar'Dess at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, circa four years after the Battle of Rakata Prime. They appear to be xeroxed copies of several hand-written letters that Kar'Dess sent to Vrook Lamar, a Master on Dantooine. After their discovery, I took the documents back to the Exchange facility on Telos, where they will eventually be filed into the records under the file Theta B12A3 for our Coruscant Reconnaissance assignment.
First Letter, Dated 9-21-10Edit
Dear Master Vrook:
I am Jedi Master Micheal Kar'Dess. You may or may not remember me, I only got onto the High Council a few days ago. Just wanted to let you and the masters at the Dantooine Academy know how things are going around here. I don't know about the rest of the High Council, but this Temple here on Coruscant is freaking awesome. I mean, the place is gigantic. Have you ever been here? This building has got to be at least a kilometre high. The views from up here are stunning. You can literally see millions of things going on at once from up here.
It's also got great central heating, not to mention restroom facilities. And the personal quarters. Damn, the personal quarters made me feel like an Onderonian king. The first thought that came into my head after seeing my bed was "Wow, I could fit at least two more people in here!" The food's good, too. I don't mean to brag, but the Four-Star Hotels I've seen on Zeltros and Ryloth pale in comparison to this place in almost every way.
Pretty much the only complaint I have is about the seating at the Council Chamber. The chairs are constructed out of cold, hard metal, and I can't even keep my arse situated while we're in session. To be honest, I'd rather sit on the floor. Atris said that the seats are designed to keep us awake so we're better able concentrate on the matters at hand, but I have no doubt that she was lying straight through her teeth.
"Better able to concentrate?" Those things are so damn slippery that I go flying off if I so much as bat an eye. As soon as I finish writing this letter I'm going to send a petition for more comfortable seating. I think it would really make a difference. Atris and the others are very uptight, and their chairs seem to follow that principle. I say why sit around and act like cranky old people who are forced into a job they don't want to do? That's what they act like. I say we need comfortable recliners. We could get enough for the entire council for only a few hundred credits. I can't think very well unless I'm comfortable. And to be comfortable I need a cushion under me and a chair that can recline. A drink holder on the armrest would be pretty good as well. Pretty much the only other person on the Council who isn't as sedate as a bunch of people at a funeral is Zez-Kai Ell. He's a bit of a skinny bloke with a 'stache large enough to conceal a battalion of Republic troops, but other than that he's a good fellow to be around. Tries to loosen things up with a joke or two during Council meetings.
My boss is Nomi Sunrider, the Grandmaster of the Order (for some reason Atris and Vash get edgy whenever I say her last name, like it's a taboo word or something). While she's not exactly "mellow" (as Kai Ell puts it), she's still noticeably more understanding and tolerant of enjoyment in the workplace.
It probably has something to do with that humongous rack of hers. That must be why Atris and Vash don't like having her around.
Sincerely, Jedi Master Machael Kar'Dess
Second Letter, Dated 10-13-10Edit
Dear Master Vrook:
We just got some breaking news. It turns out that Darth Malak is dead and the entire Sith Empire is in disarray! Turns out that a band of random people scattered from across the galaxy are the ones who did it. It's crazy, but not as crazy as the fact that their leader was Revan. I remember seeing that on the news and I was so shocked I vomited my bloody soda across the room. It turns out that somehow Darth Revan was redeemed and became a Jedi again.
All right, all right. No more pretending, since you were there when I and the rest of the Council reprogrammed Revan's brain to fight for us. Now that I think of it, if you and Vandar are on the High Council then why don't you hang out with the rest of us at the Coruscant temple? I heard that you guys over there at Dantooine don't even have a Council room.
Anyway, Master Sunride- err, Vima, is in high spirits (still no luck with getting into her pants, though). Kavar and the others are in a good mood, too. I was pretty ecstatic about this whole "Malak Dead, Sith Defeated" business, so I suggested to the rest of the Council that we hit a few bars in the Coruscant Red Sector. To my disappointment, the Council voted my idea down by a four-to-two margin.
What the bloody hell is wrong with them? What sort of rotten madness is this? We've just won the Jedi Civil War and they don't want to celebrate at all! I say bullocks to that. As for why Master Sunrider, of all people, would not want to engage in such an enjoyable enterprise, I haven't the foggiest idea.
Ah, well. At least there's the nightly sabacc game.
I never would have guessed that the individuals that were following Revan around would end up being the ones saving the Republic. It doesn't make any bloody sense. According to the reports, Revan had tagging along with her a Wookie, a Mandalorian, a senile old man, an assassin droid, a useless utility droid, some Twi'lek tramp he picked up off the street, a freaky cat person, and a "whiney soldier brat". Who could possibly anticipate all the shit that they would end up destroying? There's also that Bastila chick we sent to make sure Revan didn't go insane or something. Turns out they hooked up instead.
I asked the rest of the Council if we'll need to kick her out of the Order because of that, but none of them could make up their minds. Literally. Not any one of them decided on their opinion for long. It kept alternating.
I think something's wrong with Kavar and the others. I'm bringing Corellian Ale to our sabacc game tonight, whether they want it or not.
Sincerely, Jedi Master Micheal Kar'Dess
Third Letter, Dated 4-04-11Edit
Dear Master Vrook:
I was just wondering what you masters over at the Dantooine Enclave do in your free time. Here at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, the rest of the Council members and I have a friendly game of sabacc on Friday nights (and others if we have time). On Tuesday afternoons we have a pole-vaulting contest, followed by square-dancing. I was wondering if you or the other Jedi at the Enclave do anything like that. Maybe I'll visit sometime.
How many apprentices have you trained? I've gone through about thirteen total. They can be tough little buggers to work with, but it's worth it in the end. Now that I think of it, I don't really remember how many years I've been a Jedi at all. In fact I don't seem to remember what year I was born. Makes you wonder how I got into the order in the first place, doesn't it?
I guess it doesn't matter. Believe it or not, Kavar says I look to be in my thirties.
Anyway, back on topic, how many apprentices have you trained? Atris won't tell me anything about herself, Vash and Kai Ell haven't trained anybody as far as I know, and Kavar has trained two people. I didn't bother asking Vima, since I already knew the answer. Since there's nobody else to submit this question to, I'd like your opinion on why I've trained so many more than the others. According to the Council, I'm also due to get two more Padawans before the end of the month. It's not something they asked me about. They just went up and said that I was getting two apprentices. Not to say that I don't enjoy training Jedi. It can be quite an interesting experience, but I'm not one who enjoys being surprised with extra responsibilities. It's rather thick, if you ask me.
I heard that the Republic is sending a task force to Korriban to search for any remaining Sith Lords. I wish Master Sunrider would let me go with them.
Sincerely, Jedi Master Micheal Kar'Dess
Fourth Letter, Dated 5-22-11Edit
Dear Master Vrook:
I'm writing because there is a serious problem with my two Padawans (Lannah Draav and Ketha Ferran, perhaps you've heard of their shenanigans). I'm not an inexperienced Jedi. As you know, I've trained about thirteen students total, but these two current ones are not like any others I've even heard of before.
Since I started training them I had known that Lannah and Ketha had a close friendship. At first I thought nothing of it, since it's common for such bonds to be formed when two Padawans are being trained together, and except for the occasional prank or mildly inappropriate joke, the girls seemed rather well-focused on following the path of becoming formidable Jedi.
With that in mind, you can imagine the total surprise I felt last Tuesday. It started out as just another ordinary day at the Coruscant Jedi Temple. Per usual, I sprang out of bed at 5:20 A.M. so I can grab breakfast quickly and get most of my assigned chores (emptying the trash, etc.) done before any of the other masters are even awake. It just gives me a sense of accomplishment when I'm up before everyone else. Anyway, I got up at 5:20 and got through breakfast without incident. However, I felt a need to break up the routine a bit, so instead of stopping to chat with the other masters at 6:30, I grabbed a Dr. Pepper and headed for the training room (which was deserted as usual this early in the morning) to brush up on my lightsaber skills. After a few minutes, I tried attempted a saber throw on a holographic target.
My saber hit the far wall, hilt first. When I retrieved it and tried to turn it back on again, it made a little grinding noise and a few little bits and pieces of something I couldn't identify fell out of the hole where the blade was supposed to emerge. Embarrassed, I left the training room, thankful that no one else had seen me break my own lightsaber. However, I still wanted to train some more, so I decided to head over to Lannah's quarters to see if I could borrow hers. I knocked sharply on her door several times, but received no answer. This puzzled me, as I knew that Lannah certainly wouldn't have left her quarters if she was even awake at this point (she sleeps late, but she's also easy to wake up).
The door was locked, but it was a simple matter for me to undo the lock with the force and enter the room. Lannah was nowhere to be found. I spotted her lightsaber on her dresser next to the bed, and picked it up, unable to shake the feeling that I was not the only person in the room. It sent a shiver up my spine, but I shrugged it off as I headed for the door. I was almost to the doorway when the sound of a deep moan reached my ears. I whirled around and heard the same sound again, coming from the closet. As I opened the closet door, I couldn't believe what I saw.
As you might have guessed, I found Lannah and Ketha inside the closet snogging each other. I just stood there, staring at them in total disbelief. When they finally noticed I was there and got off of each other, I was at a loss for words, so I got the bloody force out of there as fast as I could. A few hours later I had a very serious talk with both of my apprentices about how attachment in the Jedi Order is currently forbidden, and I told them that they must not do any such thing again. They agreed (or so I thought), but only two days later I found them doing the same thing in the Temple's Library. An hour and a half later I found them going at it again in Ketha's quarters. At this point, I knew that drastic measures were needed, so I arranged for them to be separated for a while hoping that it would help in some way. In the end, it changed nothing. They were still attached to each other, and nothing I said to them seems to have helped. I've caught them together at least five times since, on two occasions with some other Padawan who I've never even met before.
At this point, I didn't know what to do, so I decided that asking the Council was my only other option. Although I didn't think that the situation was at all funny, after I had told them about my problem, they burst into guffaws. Seeing that they would be of no help, I asked some of the Knights, who just stared at me like I had three heads. After that, I asked several Padawans, who instead of offering insight or useful information, just kept giving me stupid questions about whether they could "get in on the action". Frustrated, I returned to my quarters so I could write you this letter.
Why am I the only Jedi in the entire Temple who takes this seriously? What should I do about Lannah and Ketha? I need these questions answered soon, before the situation gets out of control. I thank you in advance for any advice you may give me.
Sincerely, Jedi Master Michael Kar'Dess
Fifth Letter, Dated 6-07-11Edit
Dear Master Vrook
It's Michael again STOP
Problem has gotten worse than I ever even dared to think STOP
The thing that my two Padawans were doing has spread throughout the temple STOP
Almost none of the Padawans or Knights are getting work done now STOP
They are all snogging in dark corners STOP
It's fucking insane STOP
You know why I just used the phrase "dark corners"? Because there are dark corners now STOP
Power has just gone out on the Temple's primary levels STOP
Cannot believe what I have just seen STOP
Walked in on two Padawans with Master Sunrider STOP
THE WHOLE FUCKING ORDER'S GOING TO THE DOGS STOP
SITUATION IS EXTREMELY VOLATILE STOP
SEND BACKUP IMMEDIATELY STOP
Sixth Letter, Dated 6-10-11Edit
Bloody mother hell.
Vrook, I don't know what's going on, but I'm getting the fuck out of here. I just found Ketha dead in my quarters. It appears to be from a lightsaber wound, but hell if I know who did it. Some suspect Sith Assassins.
What is happening? Ever since Revan left, everything's gone in the melting pot. The entire Coruscant Temple has been neutralized. REPEAT: CORUSCANT IS LOST.
I suspect that the Sith have something to do with this sudden madness. I don't know if the two events are connected or not, but Atris has called a meeting of all Jedi on Katarr. I'm serious. She said absolutely everyone. I don't know what it's about, but I can't stay here any longer.
I don't know where my other apprentice is, and Atris has gone missing as well.
In any case, I'll be at Katarr as soon as I can. I'll bring the chips.