"Holy crap, these nails hurt like a motherkriffer!"
―Jesus, being crucified

Crucifixion was an ancient form of execution which originated on the bass-ackwards planet of Earth. Practiced by a number of barbaric cultures, it involved nailing the condemned person's wrists and feet to a big fucking cross with big, blunt rusty nails shaped like penises. The prisoner's cross was then mounted vertically, where they would be left to die, slowly and horribly.

The Jedi Master known as Jesus Christ was almost killed in this manner. Fortunately for him, though, his abilities in the Force allowed him to escape, making everyone think that he had in fact died and been reanimated resurrected. Darth Awesome, who had accidentally followed Jesus to Earth, witnessed the act of crucifixion, he brought it back to the galaxy and began to use it on the enemies of the Sith...

...well, the ones that they could catch, anyway.


This article is called Crucifixion. Crucifixion has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Crucifixion can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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