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Dantooine

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This article is about the wheat planet.. You may be looking for its retarded little sister world, Dumbtooine.
Wheat
Dantooine
Astrographical
Region

Outer Rim

Sector

Ray Romano sector

System

Dantooine system

Suns

Dina

Moons

2 (Dantooine Lite and Dantooine Sugar Free)

Rotation period

25 hours

Orbital period

378 days

Physical
Class

Terrestrial

Diameter

9830 km

Atmosphere

Type I, Breathable

Climate

Temperate

Gravity

Standard

Primary terrain
  • Grasslands with wheat
  • Savanna with wheat
  • Rolling plains with wheat
  • Foothills with wheat
Surface water

Oceans

Societal
Native species
Immigrated species
Official language
Population
  • 334,000 (Old Republic era)
  • 1000 (after getting PWNed)
Major cities
Major imports

Food that isn't wheat

Major exports

Wheat

Affiliation
"Dantooine is too remote to make an effective demonstration. In fact, if we destroy Dantooine, the galaxy may not hear about it for years." [pause] "You see what I did there? I'm basically saying Dantooine is shithole planet full of hicks."
―Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin

Dantooine, sometimes called Nebraska on old star charts, was a sparsely populated planet located in galactic flyover country. It was covered with wheat. Fields of wheat. Fields of rippling wheat. All there is in life is wheat.

Jedi seemed drawn to this planet and kept putting enclaves and temples there. It all started thousands of years ago when a Jedi named Ray crashed there. He wandered around the wheat fields for months. He soon got tired of making specialty breads and decided to drive himself insane through hunger. During his fast, baking in the sun, Ray heard a voice whisper: "If you build it, they will come." So Ray built a Jedi Enclave, and within weeks, dozens of Jedi showed up, asking where the hors d'oeuvres were. Ray informed them there was nothing on the planet but wheat, so they ordered pizza and built a colony.

Eventually, Dantooine became a center of Jedi learning, visited by Revan and the Jedi Exile, respectively, before and after it was visited by Darth Malak. But it was still an out-of-the-way nowhere planet, too remote to make an effective demonstration by being blown up by the Death Star. Eventually, the Yuuzhan Vong took over and shaped all the wheat into monstrous killer acid-spitting...wheat. The Galactic Alliance let the Vong keep the planet after the war, where they cultivated normal, nourishing wheat in peace and fuckin' harmony.

Oh, and did I mention there were cavemen living there? Yep. Cavemen.


RicOlieRight
This article is called Dantooine. Dantooine has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Dantooine can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
WookieepediaLogoBouncing
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Dantooine.

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