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Darth Facilier

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Asshole
Biographical information
Homeworld

planet New Orleans

Born

1994

Died

1994

Physical description
Species

bounty hunter

Gender

male

Height

four five

Hair color

black

Eye color

black

Cybernetics

top hat

Chronological and political information
Era(s)

Disney Empire era

Affiliation

Sith

Known masters

Satan

Known apprentices

none, we think...



"So which one of you has made a deal with the Shadow Man?"
―Mama Tubster to her family


"You do have a soul, don't you, Luke"
―Darth Facilier tempting the Jedi to join him


"Blame my Sith on the Other Side... of the galaxy!"
―Darth Facilier explaining his cocaine deal


Dr. Facilier - shit, Darth Facilier - was an asshole who was used as a wimp. He was created to be the coolest Sith Lord of all time, way cooler than Darth Maul!!!!!!, But shit backfired on him and he was discovered nicking all the coke so he lost his job. Backfired on the streets of planet New Orleans, Darth Facilier travelled the Galaxy seeking riches, fame, and burritos until he arrived on the planet New Orleans.


"A tip o' the hat to Dr. Facilier"
―Darth Facilier as a pimp


BackstoryEdit

Darth Facilier, a Darth by trade, saw appropriate business as a gambler and came aboard a sinking ship onto New Orleans, and after an argument with the harbour master about local affairs and how much it cost to tie one's ship to the docks and he owed him money, Darth Facilier, the only black guy in town besides that man's slave, said "What you say to three shillings, and we forget the name?" The harbourmaster was astounded to find three shillings appear in his hands. He decided to count his slaves and call it a day. "Welcome to New Orleans, Mr. Sith" said he as he went off and his wallet was nicked from behind.


Facilier in tha hoodEdit

Facilier then met an impoverished prince who for some reason dressed like millionaire, along with his absurdly overweight assistant Luke Skywalker. Facilier then invited them both into his hash apartment, a flat he rented downtown, and sang about him having "Sith on the Other Side!" Wondering what hash was the man smoking, both the prince and Luke debated about what to do until Facilier's shadow began disentangling itself from his body and dancing about of its own accord. Then Darth Maul and co. were revealed, so the prince and Luke decided it was high time to make a deal after all. Darth Facilier pricked the prick - uh, prince - and got his blood, turning him into a Sith for good measure. Thus the real story behind this is The Princess and the Sith.


Facilier 4: In spaceEdit

"I'll pay ya back! I'll pay y'all back! I promise! I AM THE ONLY BLACK DISNEY VILLAIN!"
―Darth Faciler dragged into prison

As it happened, Facilier gave Luke the prince's blood and Luke became the prince and ran off to fuck the girl of his dreams. The girl of his dreams smelt a fish and backfired, thus ending up in a ghetto where Darth Facilier explained the situation. Shit happened and he made a deal with Darth Maul to eat everyone on the planet, biatch. But then the plan backfired when the girl of his dreams smashed a mirror and Facilier was suddenly out of cash. The Sith came and dragged Darth Facilier away to the intergalactic prison and stripped him of his Sith title. Thus the poor fella was no more.

RicOlieRight
This article is called Darth Facilier. Darth Facilier has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Darth Facilier can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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