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Darth Greetings

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DARTH GREETINGS
Darth Greetings
Homeworld

Korriban

Physical description
Species

Human

Gender

Male

Height

1.8 Meters

Hair color

Unknown due to helmet

Eye color

Unknown due to helmet

Cybernetics

Hasbro Darth Vader helmet with voice transformer

Chronological and political information
Affiliation
Known masters

Debbie

Known apprentices

Numerous Darth*Mart employees

"Hello and welcome to Darth-Mart, I bid you Darth Greetings."
Darth Greetings offering himself to anybody who can get him the hell out of Darth-Mart

Darth Greetings born Moor Smiles, was a Sith Underlord and a member of the Order of Darth-Mart, a Sith order that was for Sith who didn't have the guts to get out there and do some serious PWNage. It was started by Palpatine who was also its CEO.

Darth Greetings was born on the Sith world of Korriban where most Darth-Marts were located. He was born to a pair of busy factory workers who packaged him into a box of Wheat Bran (hey, it happens) and sold him to Darth Mart. Before some old guy could eat him, an employee found him, panicking, and took him to the CEO. There Palpatine instructed the employee to train Darth Greetings in the ways of the Sith at Darth-Mart as an apprentice. The employee did, instructructing Greetings through various lessons. Eventually he completed his training and became a Sith Underlord, now working as a greeter at Darth-Mart.

Life Edit

The Early Years Edit

Palpatine: "You have done well, Debbie."
Debbie: "Does this mean I'm getting a raise?"
Palpatine: "Keep dreaming, my very naive employee."
— Palpatine congratulates his Darth-Mart employee Debbie on finding Moor Smiles[src]

Unlike everybody else in the galaxy, Moor Smiles was not born on Tatooine, but Korriban, the coolest planet ever thanks to its unbelievable powah in the Dark Side. His parent's Al and Lotsa Smiles were factory workers working for the Sith Lord Darth Bran, packaging his signature product, Wheat Bran, which was banned from Darth-Mart because it was 10 times better than the dreck Old Palpy made. Bran had wanted vengeance on Darth-Mart ever since, so he passed on his hatred to his workers and banned them from ever coming to Darth Mart.

Both Al and Lotsa Smiles hoped to raise their son Moor into a proud factory worker with a hatred for Darth-Mart, but things went amiss shortly before Moor reached his first birthday. In Take-Your-Force-Sensitive-Kid-To-Work-Day, Al and Lotsa lost track of their son. Moor was playing on the conveyor belts where the bran was being packaged. Suddenly he found himself being gripped by an iron claw and stuffed into a five-gallon jar of Wheat Bran. Fortunately there were some air holes near the bottom, so the poor kid didn't suffocate, but was trapped and couldn't get out.

Now it just so happened that there was an employee at the factory who was secretly working at Darth Mart. Her name was Debbie. Debbie had been instructed by her boss CEO Palpatine to steal the recipe and bring him back a five gallon jar of it. It went well with his cereal. Debbie, having procured the recipe through means of the Force, now had to bring back a jar. So, seeing a five gallon jar on the conveyor belt, she took it and ran off, not knowing that Moor was inside it.

When she opened the jar, she was surprised to find young Moor inside it, fast asleep. What was Palpatine going to do when he finds this out? He could fire her, take away her pension... or worse.

Surprisingly Palpatine did neither. Though he was a bit ticked off that he wouldn't be getting his desired breakfast, he was overall pleased with the results. He had killed most of his employees when they forgot to wash their hands, so he always needed a few extra. He then ordered Debbie to train Moor in the Dark Side and become a Darth-Mart employee. With that, Palpatine gave young Moor Smiles a new name... Darth Greetings.

Training Edit

Darth Greetings: "Greetings, welcome to Darth-Mart! We're a prime quality discount store, but not as prime-quality as you are."
Twi'lek: "Get lost, you pathetic loser!"
— Darth Greetings trying unsuccessfully to pick up a Twi'lek

ebbie trained Greetings to the best of her ability, but apparently his anti-Darth-Mart parents must've imprinted something on him. He couldn't do anything right. Lord Greetings was terrible at being a cashier because he was dyslexic, a clumsy oaf when it came to stacking (he once knocked over an entire stack of tomato soup without even touching it), and terrible at sweeping the floor because he was allergic to cleaning fluid. He was even awful at greeting people because he always tried picking up hot Twi'leks, but he had to stay at his post because there were no other jobs. Eventually he had to hide his face in a mask because all the Twi'leks had stopped shopping there because of him. This way he would be completely unrecognizable, though he would still hit on them. Finally Debbie decided that Darth Greetings was much too irritating for her to keep training him, so she bestowed on him the title of Sith Underlord.

Nowadays Edit

Darth Greetings: "Hey, kid, what's in your pocket?"
Kid: "Nothing."
Darth Greetings: "What do you call this... hmmm, little boy?"
Kid: "PLEASE DON'T DESTROY MY PLANET!!!"
―Darth Greetings apprehending a shoplifter

Darth Greetings went on to train many Darth-Mart employees in his time. He followed the rules that Palpatine set very seriously, especially the punishment for shoplifters. He still hits on Twi'leks though. I mean, wouldn't you?


RicOlieRight
This article is called Darth Greetings. Darth Greetings has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Darth Greetings can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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