Darth H1N1
Biographical information



0 BC (Before Cure)


Per Steve Irwin

Physical description






Hair color


Eye color


Chronological and political information


"The name's N1, H1N1."
―Darth H1N1 pretending to be James Bond

Darth H1N1 or Darth Hiney (pronounced High-knee), was also known as Darth W1N1 (Winey) in kindergarten and Darth H1K1 (Hickey) in college. He was born on Flucia in the year 0 BC (Before Cure). He was known famously for his invasion of America and then his domination of Europe, starting WW3.


Early LifeEdit

His family was deported to Mexico, even though his father, Darth Swine a Pig, originated from Porktugal and H1N1's mother, Darth Flu, originated from Influensia. Apparently there was a mix-up in papers. Anyway, Darth H1N1 decided to invade Flucia to get revenge, but mad some pretty big miscalculations and ended up invading Texas with an army of clones armed with infection rays.


The American CrusadeEdit

H1N1 believed in never leaving a job unfinished, so instead of just leaving Texas and go invade Flucia, he invaded New Mexico, and then the rest of America. Then he went on to Canada. He did the impossible and successfully invaded Canada despite the mounties valiant efforts to stop them. Unfortunately, the Invasion of Canada took quite a toll on the minds of the H1N1 Clones. They wandered away from America to Europe.

Trouble in the AmericasEdit

At this point, H1N1 had very little control over his clones. They were free roamers now, and while they were invading Europe, H1N1 had to keep control of North America. Mexico had been under his control for awhile, even before the clones, so he would have little trouble with them. As for the United States, the media was creating mass-hysteria, resulting in very little resistance to H1N1. Canada would prove to be the biggest problem because the cold helped keep away the infection now that most of the clones had invaded Europe, and the mounties had started a remnant organization that was resisting H1N1's control. H1N1 had to think of a plan and fast, but he didn't have the time. There were problems in Europe that drew his attention away.

The European CrisisEdit

The European leaders were demanding to know who was responsible for the invasion. Being the idiot he was, H1N1 revealed himself as the one responsible. The Jedi Knights were called up to arrest the apparent "Galactic Criminal". By this time, the remainder of clones were invading Russia. 1337 n00b-pwners were face-palming in internet chats across the galaxy.

Exile to Dagobah Tatooine...Australia?Edit

H1N1 was forced to flee the Earth because his clones all froze to death in Russia and the Mounties lead a full-fledged rebellion in North America taking it back. Taking it all back. That is why North America is now known as Canadaland. Anywho, H1N1 fled to the swamp planet Dagobah only to get absolutely RAEPD by a elderly green midget. So he went to Tatooine. And got butt-fucked by an old hermit who mistook him for a little girl named Annie. So H1N1 decided to play it safe and went to Australia. Safe? Australia? I know what you're thinking, but ever since Steve Irwin died, all the once bloodthirsty and poisonous animals have become harmless because they don't have to worry about Steve anymore. In the end though, the good guys always win and the Jedi killed H1N1 and that was that.

The EndEdit

Did you really think I'd end it like that? Three Jedi tracked H1N1 to Sydney, Australia and dueled him on the docks. It was a vicious fight, but in the end H1N1 won and killed the three Jedi. Unfortunately Republic Security showed up and were about to capture the evil H1N1, but he jumped into the bay. He was going to escape, but then he was killed by a stingray. Ironic, huh?

Behind the ScenesEdit

If you choose to be a hermaphrodite in the video game about H1N1's life, KOTOR LXII, you can have relations with the stingray before it kills you.

Overall, H1N1 was responsible for the death of six thousand plus deaths. This does not qualify him for an Evil Mass-Killer Award (requirements are 10,000 plus kills), but he did get an honorary place in the Killing Hall of Fame.

This article is called Darth H1N1. Darth H1N1 has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Darth H1N1 can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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