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- "Fear me, people! I'm ruthless, deadly, and I'm Vampire Weekly's Vampire of the Month! I mean, aren't I stunning?"
- ―Darth Hale, to an entire city.
Darth Hale, better known as Rosalie Hale, was a vampiric Sith
Lord Lady. She often feasted upon the blood of her fallen foes, referring to this practice as a "victory snack". At one point in her life, Darth Hale thought of herself as a "vegetarian vampire", in that she would include a side order of green beans to go with her victims' blood. After an unfortunate encounter with a blog amongst her veggies, she resorted to drinking the blood straight-up while laughing evilly. Darth Hale is (unfortunately) related to Darth Cullen.
Becoming a SithEdit
Darth Hale decided she wanted to be a Sith really, really badly, so she left her family and sold copies of Vampire Weekly around the galaxy. Sith looked at her pictures in the magazine (the guy Sith mostly, and they whistled a lot), and they let her join them. Darth Hale became a master with her lightsaber, and learned many Force tricks.
Rivalry With Darth AzulaEdit
- "You think you're all perfect, with your shiny metal-like teeth and your large breasts! I'll show you! I'll make you look like a tramp, you bitchy little leech!"
- ―Darth Azula, using Force humiliation on Darth Hale.
Darth Hale formed a large rivalry with Darth Azula, and they became worst-worst-worst-worst-worst-worst-worst-worst-worst-worst enemies. They often tripped each other in traffic, and they pulled each other's hair. One day, they lost each other in a crowd, making each other very happy. Darth Hale even screamed "Goodbye broad!"
Appearance on OprahEdit
- "Why do you feel the need to drink blood, Darth Hale?"
- ―Oprah Winfrey, to Darth Hale.
Darth Hale made an appearance on Oprah. Oprah asked her why she felt the need to drink blood, and Darth Hale responded "I don't know, Oprah! *sniff* It's always been a habit―no, an instinct―to drink blood! Speaking of which, you smell so good Oprah!" After Darth Hale started sniffing Oprah, they went to commercial.
Major Fashion ProblemEdit
- "Have you seen her outfit? It looks horrible! She looks like she popped right out of Dragon Tales!"
- ―Vampire Weekly's editor commenting on Darth Hale's new clothes.
Darth Hale had a MAJOR fashion problem. She let her mom pick out her clothes that one time, and she got made fun of instantly. Vampire Weekly, People, and YO MAMA Magazine all had a laughing fit because Darth Hale looked so much like one of The Wiggles. This infuriated Darth Hale, but that was only the beginning.
Even More Major Fashion ProblemEdit
Darth Hale ended up getting the rakghoul disease because
someone gave it to her her outfit was so ugly. Darth Hale was insulted by many Sith, including Asajj Ventress, Darth Lucas, and Darth Bobo. Darth Hale, sick of all the shit she was getting, finally changed back to her old outfit.
Darth Hale was called back to
Earth some rolled up mush-ball to help her family fight off other vampires. Darth Hale finally got to show off her skills as a Sith, Force-pushing an evil vampire into a house and possibly raping him for an hour. Darth Hale cut down hundreds of vampires with her lightsaber, and killed many more with her Force powers. Finally, all of the evil vampires were killed, and Darth Hale went to make love with her adoptive brother, Jasper, before leaving.
Using a mix of V8, blood, and Jawa juice, Darth Hale managed to make blood juice. She often drank it, and when she wasn't drinking it, she used it to destroy planets. Please don't ask, we have no idea how she managed it.
Anyway, she made Blood Juice a huge success with drunks, vampires, drunk vampires, vampires who enjoyed drunks, and news anchors. Bars all over the world started selling her drink, making their bars extremely popular. Darth Hale was given credit for her juice all over the galaxy, getting fan mail from
drunk retards smart people.
Later on, despite the scene on Oprah, Darth Hale made an appearance on The View. Sherri Shepherd loved Darth Hale the most, saying "I think you should make a guest appearance on my new comedy Sherri. It's not just a comedy, it's my life!" However, Darth Hale continuously argued with those other bitches on The View. Finally, sick of them, Darth Hale cut off their vaginas (wait, wut?) and hung them on her wall. So, remember people, watch the newly named The Vagina with Sherri Shepherd!
The week after, Darth Hale began finding threatening notes in her tampons. They said things like "Stop selling your juice" and "We're serious, enough with the blood juice!" Darth Hale, furious about these threatening messages, went all Sherlock Holmes and tried to figure out who was threatening her. She tracked the notes back to a McDonald's restaurant, but the place was empty. In the back room, she found condoms, but she'd had so much blood juice that day that she'd thought that the condoms were guns. Screaming in terror, she ran out of the restaurant and had a major hangover the next day.
How will Darth Hale's life end? Do you think she'll get out of this situation? Stay tuned to Guiding
Light Blood to find out.
Darth Hale traveled back to
Earth the mush ball to visit her family. On her way there, she was intercepted by a ship disguised as a McDonald's. While on there, evil clown creatures swarmed her, likely jealous of her Blood Juice. Darth Hale fought bitch-ish hard, but eventually, the clown things killed her. So sad.
The clown creatures were eventually caught by the Sith for murdering Darth Hale. Darth Bobo, who'd secretly had a crush on Darth Hale, killed the clowns himself and ate their bodies. Oops, Bobo didn't want us to reveal that.
It was suspected that, along with murdering her, the clowns had slept with Darth Hale's body.
A funeral was held for Darth Hale at Hooters. Attending the funeral were Sherri Shepherd, Darth Bobo, Jasper Hale, a bunch of other Sith, some magazine reporters, and a couple drunks.