"I AM DARTH KRATOS! TREMBLE BEFORE ME, MERE MORTAL, FOR I AM THE GOD OF WAR! I WILL MAKE YOU SUFFER!"
―The ham featured on this page
Darth Kratos was a SPARTAAAN!!!maleSith Mega-Super-Overlord from the planet SPARTAAA!!!. (That means he slept with Sophitia.) The son of Mr. T, Kratos was one of the galaxy's most awesome Sith and wielded the Blades of Chaos (who gives a shit that they weren't lightsabers, they were godly enough to resist against lightsaber blows anyway).
Kratos hated the gods of his planet because they forced him to do menial tasks for them such as washing the dishes, mowing the lawn and answering phone calls. Because of this, he finally expressed his anger towards them through intense, brutal, bloody rage, and utterly slaughtered Ares, the God of War. Kratos became the God of War himself at this point and took Darth Leonidas as his Sith apprentice.
As God of War, Kratos developed the strength enough to destroy an entire planet and became good friends with the real God (not those lazy Greek bullshitters), who helped Kratos in his many intense, brutal, bloody, rage-filled battles. At one point, God, Kratos and Leonidas determined that their mutual powers of awesomeness were enough to blow up the first Death Star, so they waged a war against the Empire's tyrannical regime, seeing as they were against any sort of government not ruled by them. However, Darth Misa-Misa showed up at this point and, upon her appearance, caused Kratos to die on the spot, and kept God's almighty hands quite full at the moment. Darth Vader then appeared and proceeded to PWN the now-helpless Leonidas but afterwards was gravely injured himself by Misa-Misa's presence.
However, Kratos recovered shortly afterwards and then raped Misa-Misa to death.