Darth Maul's Speeder Bike Thingy

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Maul bike

This bike deserves more fame.

Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Darth Maul's Speeder Bike Thingy.
"Yeah, my bike and I had good times before I got my legs chopped off by that bastard Obi-Wan... but we still like to talk and play chess."
―Darth Maul, on his loving-of-inanimate-objects delusions from the Star Wars Mental Ward

Darth Maul's Bike Thingy was a speeder bike shaped in a fashion that reminded me of a bike and also a cheese wedge. I do not know why. Needless to say, the bike was pretty freakin' cool, mainly because it was Sith-related and could go really fuckin' fast. For these reasons, I argued that it was the coolest speeder bike in Star Wars, but those damn Ewoks and the amazing piloting skillz they demonstrated during the Battle of Endor only narrowly defeated my nomination with a minimal amount of 2.6 billion votes (My nomination only got six votes of support). Damn those teddy bears and their irresistible cuteness!

Back to the point. The speeder bike could go fast, like eleventy trillion billion miles per hour or something, whereas those Ewok ones could only go like seventy. That is totally unfair.

I'll never look at the Ewoks the same. NEVER!

This article is called Darth Maul's Speeder Bike Thingy. Darth Maul's Speeder Bike Thingy has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Darth Maul's Speeder Bike Thingy can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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