Darth Pompous Ass

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Darth Pompous Ass
Biographical information


Physical description






Hair color


Chronological and political information

Rise of the Geeks Era

Known masters

Darth Boner

Known apprentices

Darth Oscar

"Woe to me!"
―Darth Pompous Ass in his infinite amount of self-pity
"You pompous ass!"
―Reverend Scott

Darth Pompous Ass, born Mike Honcho and nicknamed <insert name here>, was one of the geekiest Sith Mega-Super-Overlords that ever roamed the galaxy. And to add to that, he was a complete pompous ass! What a jerk <insert name here> was.

As Mike Honcho was born to parents Jimbo Porkins and Lupe, life was difficult for young Mike. Constantly teased by his imaginary friends, Mike was mostly known to the galaxy as <insert name here>, a name said imaginary friends would taunt him with daily. Even his brother, Jek Porkins, would bully him. And, uh **cough**, have you seen Jek Porkins? Perhaps the biggest blow to <insert name here>'s life was when the bombsquad raided the family's home one night in search for Jimbo, who just narrowly escaped with his Mexican sex-slave, Lupe. <insert name here> and Jek were separated as <insert name here> was sold into the spice circuit, being adopted by the Sith Lord Darth Boner at a young age. As <insert name here> grew into geek-hood, Boner began training the boy in the ways of the Force. By age fifteen, <insert name here> had transformed into the uber-pompous ass, Darth Pompous Ass. His first mission was to bring peace to his father's Sith Order, The Order of the Boner, a task he failed because he was far too busy being annoying. Because of this, Boner ended up loosing his right leg up the ass of his apprentice. Pompous Ass left the order in search for a Sith Order of his own.

By twenty-three, Darth Pompous Ass had done just that, creating Pompous Asses United, a chess club for Sith. Many Sith joined Pompous Ass, but many also left upon finding what kind of person Pompous truly was. It was at this point the man began training an apprentice of his own, Darth Oscar, passing down every bit of his pompous ass ways to the Puppet. Proud of his achievements, the man rewarded Oscar with the title Sith Mega-Super-Overlord, a title he himself had yet to attain. Nonetheless, Darth Oscar was still a Mega-Super-Overlord. However, only weeks later, he was finally rewarded with said title, only to turn it down and depart from the Sith, once again becoming <insert name here>.

Still, <insert name here>'s time with the Sith was not over. Not long after, <insert name here> began allying himself with Darth Ipedia, spreading threats across the galaxy of mass-planet destruction. However, <insert name here>'s reign of terror came to an end as he was brutally killed by Darth Ipedia himself.


Early life

Mike Honcho was born to Jimbo Porkins and his Mexican sex-slave, Lupe on the world of Earth in 33 BBY. Life was difficult for young Honcho as he was constantly derided, mocked and scorned by not only his imaginary friends, but his brother, Jek as well. Because of this, Honcho was often nicknamed <insert name here>, a name Honcho hated with a passion. Nonetheless, he still used it, officially having <insert name here> as his actual name.


Jimbo Porkins on the run from the law, toting a pack of diapers and wearing a pantie on his head.

Everyday, <insert name here> had to live in fear of his father being caught by Earth's government for the crimes he had committed. One night while sleeping, <insert name here>'s fears became reality as the government finally caught up with the family. As the bombsquad raided the home of the family, Jimbo and Lupe narrowly escaped and went on the run, leaving their two sons behind. Jek was sent off to live with the royal members of Bestine IV while <insert name here> was sent to live with some sticky dude on Tatooine named Darth Boner.


Years of living with the pedo were boring for the boy, further turning <insert name here> into an obnoxious little prick. As <insert name here> became far geekier than ever imagined, Boner felt pressure to train his "son" in the ways of the Force. As <insert name here>'s training began, he immediately wanted out, not finding any pleasure out of Boner's training. The Sith Lord refused to give up, however, and took the training all the way.

After his training was over, <insert name here> transformed into the highly annoying Darth Pompous Ass, a name highly appropriate for the fifteen year-old. Pompous Ass's was sent on his first mission by his master; to somehow bring peace to The Order of the Boner, his father's Sith Order. After two hours, Pompous Ass gave a small shrug and quit, resulting in Boner's foot becoming lodged up the ass of the boy. After fifteen hours of attempting to remove Boner's foot up Pompous Ass's ass, the doctors came to the conclusion that it was impossible and left the foot up there. They didn't question why the foot was up there, knowing Boner's previous sexual experiences resulting in a trip to the med-bay and amputated the leg. Darth Pompous Ass left to start an order of his own.

Pompous Asses Unite - Apprentice

After years of attempting to assemble his own Sith Order, Pompous's attempts finally ended when the Pompous Asses Unite was founded. Many Sith Lords joined the chess club not long after, but upon finding what Pompous Ass really was quickly left. A now heavily depressed Pompous Ass began training an apprentice to soothe his depression. The apprentice was Darth Oscar, a Puppet he knew could be the ultimate pompous ass to ever see the light of day,... even more of a pompous ass than himself.

After two weeks of training Oscar, Pompous Ass sent his apprentice on his first mission: to assassinate Big Bird and the members of his religion, the Brotherhood of the Bird. As Darth Oscar arrived to the world of Tatooine, he found that Big Bird and the Brotherhood had already been killed by Dr. Dick-Smith Deez Nuts and Emperor Bob Barker. Returning home, Oscar was still rewarded for his fine extermination of the group. Several missions later, Darth Oscar attained the highly coveted title of Sith Mega-Super-Overlord from Darth Pompous Ass. Interestingly enough, Pompous Ass had yet to become a Mega-Super-Overlord so his apprentice's promotion was never officially valid. Still, nobody ever found out about this.

Darth Ipedia - Death

Several weeks later, Pompous Ass was promoted to Sith Mega-Super-Overlord, as well, but turned it down due to his obnoxious ways. He then retired from the Sith, once again becoming <insert name here> and settled back down on Tatooine where he met Darth Ipedia, a planet destroyer. The Sith Lord was there on the world searching for people to help him promote the fear of planet destruction throughout the galaxy and <insert name here> agreed to help. However, this later proved to be a bad decision for <insert name here> as he got what was coming to him. The end.

Behind the scenes

  • Coincidentally, Pompous Ass was the second-cousin, twice removed of himself.


This article is called Darth Pompous Ass. Darth Pompous Ass has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Darth Pompous Ass can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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