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Darth Ruptus

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DarthRuptus
Darth Ruptus
Biographical information
Homeworld

Metellos

Physical description
Species

Human

Gender

Male

Height

1.7 m

Hair color

Black

Eye color

Yellow

Chronological and political information
Era(s)

Rise of the Interruption era

Affiliation
"Yo, <insert name here>, this is an okay article. Ima let you read it, but Beyoncé has one of the best articles of all time!"
―Darth Ruptus

Darth Ruptus was an ill-mannered, egotistical Sith Lord who roamed the galaxy, seeking out public events where he could grab a microphone and express his personal opinions, which ranged from music to politics to fine wines. Darth Twitter claimed that Ruptus was dead in order to take his throne, but Darth Hunter decided to spoil Twitter's plan.

BiographyEdit

Early careerEdit

Darth Ruptus was born Anye Quest on Metellos. A mild-mannered youth, he kept to himself mostly. All of the authority figures in his life lectured him extensively. His parents, teachers, bosses, probation counselors, and psychotherapists went on at length while young Anye listened politely. But while Anye sat and listened, great anger was building within the young man.

Events came to a head when he set eyes upon Beyoncé, a beautiful, big-breasted, dark-skinned girl from Nabooboo. From that point on, he could not sit quietly during anyone else's speech... losing all control, he burst out with effusive praise for his would-be girlfriend. In the middle of class, in the middle of his workday at Biscuit Baron, or in the middle of his sentencing hearing for selling drugs to underage prostitutes while driving drunk, Anye would suddenly interject something like, "Yo, Miss Kavner, I know you're giving out our social studies assignment, but Beyoncé wrote one of the best essays of all time!"

Turn to the dark sideEdit

"He's a jackass... exactly as I had foreseen."
―Palpatine

Eventually, Beyoncé became annoyed with Anye's antics and took out a restraining order against him. This drove Anye into a fit of rage, prompting him to burst into the Galactic Senate on Coruscant in the middle of Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's Declaration of a New Order. He grabbed Palpatine's microphone and shouted, "Palpatine doesn't care about black people! And by the way, Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time!" Then he slaughtered a bunch of younglings, turned evil, renamed himself "Darth Ruptus," and set out on a quest to interrupt every single speech in the galaxy.

Meanwhile, Beyoncé, heartbroken by her insane stalker's actions, gave birth to twins, lost her will to live, and died. According to Darth Ruptus, she gave birth to the best twins of all time!

Parenthood in the hoodEdit

Darth Ruptus named his children Twitter and Hunter.

Death?Edit

"RIP Darth Ruptus"
―Darth Twitter pretending that Ruptus was dead

Darth Twitter decided that it was time to silence his father for good. he kidnapped his father and hid him in a box in his garage. Twitter then called the police and the news media, but Twitter did it in the wrong order. Soon, the HoloNet was filled with reports of Darth Ruptor's death. For many in the galaxy, it was the best death of all time.

ReturnEdit

"Darth Ruptus is alive, and STOP SPAMMING, TWITTER"
―Darth Hunter after Darth Twitter faked Ruptus' death.

Darth Hunter then grabs hold of Twitter's secret plans through Bothan spies, and revealed the truth to HoloNew. Ruptus was then released from the box.

See alsoEdit

RicOlieRight
This article is called Darth Ruptus. Darth Ruptus has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Darth Ruptus can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
BouncingJimbos
Emperor Jimbo commands you to see the real article called: Kanye West.

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