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If no one else would give him one
after Darth Clone of Darth Emo ripped his cock off
|Chronological and political information|
- "Oh puh-leeze. I am Darth Squidward. I am more powerful than you. I have no soul. The Jedi are a heart attack on a bun."
- ―Darth Squidward, before Yarael Poof kills SpongeBob Squarepants.
Darth Squidward was a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord on the show SpongeBob Squarepants. He "secretly" hated SpongeBob and Patrick Star. He created the power known as Force melt, and he strongly enjoys killing, as well as cock-pulling. Darth Squidward has a huge nose and a dumbass voice, as well as a tendency to laugh weird. Darth Squidward has a small blaster hidden in his clarinet, so every time he plays it, it shoots someone. When Darth Squidward thinks about music, evil death rainbows of the Force shoot out of his head.
Squidward was born just as a regular Quarren son of Grover and Aayla Secura. He went to school, but his father never hugged him and never called his mother after he moved out. He was a natural blond until he journeyed out on his own in Coruscant. He went to live in an Easter Island head and became a suckish artist. Then one day, his two enemies SpongeBob Squarepants and Patrick Star moved into his neighborhood and surrounded his house.
- "Too bad I didn't invent Force Wigs."
- ―Darth Squidward.
Squidward was living out on the penis of Butthole World in his Easter Island Head in search of a job to pay for art supplies. Then, one day, Squidward was recruited into The Krusty Krab, which was an organization known to destroy your planet. Squidward was the least favorite member because the leader, Mr. Krabs, preferred SpongeBob more than Squidward. Squidward was also bald. He had cancer at an early age of childhood. Squidward only destroyed eight planets while SpongeBob destroyed a heck of a lot of planets. SpongeBob had a good life while also having Relations with many women and Patrick Star. Squidward couldn't do the Soulja Boy dance or the Macarena; he always goofed up every step and could not get a date. Then his life changed by gaining interest in the Star Wars movies. Squidward gained interest in Darth Vader's character and wanted to be like him. So here's what he did....
- "I am a sith mega-super-overlord. I need not a single friend."
- ―Darth Squidward to the world.
- "Welcome to The Darth Squidward Show, where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Yup, the points are like what life would be like if SpongeBob were still alive. Let's get started with a game called I'll Force Melt You If You Turn Off The Damn TV!!!!!"
- ―How Darth Squidward starts off every episode.
The Darth Squidward Show was all about Darth Squidward and him repeatedly saying his catch phrase: that states he'll Destroy Your Planet. He was offered by Darth Elmo to join Sesame Street, but Squidward turned this down because he sounded too much like Bert.
Clones and The Super Smash BrotherhoodEdit
- "With the creation of Darth Squidward 2, I will be unstoppable!"
- ― Darth Squidward after his clone's creation.
Darth Squidward had too much time to handle, because he created a group called The Super Smash Brotherhood. Because Darth Squidward couldn't destroy a planet, as you recall, he invented the Brotherhood to prevent planet destruction and to make you not Destroy your Muun. The organization was led by Mario. It was supposed to be an all guy team, but Samus was a female. After kicking her out, Squidward had feared for fellow teammate Pikachu who may have killed him. Darth Squidward temporarily took Darth Fred Fredburger as his apprentice. Eventually, Darth Vader discovered of the Brotherhood. He and his Stormtroopers killed Link because he was eager to fight. Then the troopers opened fire on Luigi. Vader took down all the members except Pikachu, who fled the scene. Vader then killed Darth Squidward's clone, the clone that was being produced, the clone of the clone being produced, and the clone of the clone of the clone of the clone of the clone's clone's clone being produced.
Darth Squidward and Pikachu fled the scene only because Darth Fred Fredburger held off the stormtroopers. Fredburger accidentally melted off Squidward's face, which gave him the accent of a Rastafarian. Fred Fredburger and Vader dueled, which would've led Vader's death if Squidward hadn't tried to get revenge and kill his former apprentice. After the duel, Squidward lived the rest of his life with a mask for a face.
After the BrotherhoodEdit
- "My fame, my glory, my hair! Vader, if you can hear me, I'll Force melt that mask off of you, and then I'll Force melt your face!"
- ―Darth Squidward after the deaths of his team members.
After the Brotherhood was destroyed, Squidward had tried to find another organization to form, but was unlucky, so he went into Vader's room and drank all of his Red Bulls and Dr. Pepper bottles. When Vader got home, he had started to Force choke the life out of the squid, but instead decided to make use of the Sith lord and make him an honorary member of the Galactic Empire. If Squidward refused, Vader would behead him, so Squidward joined and helped lead the Battle of Hoth with General Veers. Vader had been killed in the Battle of Endor, and Veers had disappeared some few years ago. Squidward was left in charge of the Empire, along with some stormtroopers and Imperial Officers.
Pleasing the FansEdit
- "Please have mercy. I beg of you."
- ―The Squid in the picture below, before Darth Squidward choked him.
Squidward went to the planet Coruscant to challenge any Jedi High Council members who dared to threaten him. He did not succeed, but killed the squid in the image for calling him gay. He then led an army composed of the Chicago White Sox and the Chicago Cubs to destroy everyone in Canada and on Coruscant. Squidward later checked his fan mail and got a message from a fan requesting that Squidward should kill himself in an episode of the Darth Squidward Show. The Dark Lord did as requested, and the episode became so popular, it went on YouTube.
Soon after the video was circulated there was a sighting of squidward's flagship,"clarinet" the dark lord aboard, leaving the known galaxy. For now...
Some idiot named Darth Emo ripped off his penis.
- "I'll Force melt your face!"
- ―Darth Squidward to his enemies.
After the video became a big hit, SpongeBob Squarepants went back on the air. This time, it was a show that had more drama than humor. Darth Squidward was always remembered in every episode as The Greatest Sith In The Fucking World. Darth Squidward had many other clones after the death of his first clone. One of these clones in particular began to experience memories of the original Darth Squidward, which made him kill all of the others clones, and declared himself as Darth Skodwarde. Squidward was featured in Yodakenobi's video game below on Star Wars Fanon Wiki. He is the ultimate character to appear in all of Yodakenobi's video games. Yes! But like all legacies, he would soon fall. Raptor Jesus did not appreciate noobs taking his meme fame from him, so with the prowes of Darth Vader, he struck him down with fury and fire! Literally! He blew up his house! What an ass?
Powers and AbilitiesEdit
Darth Squidward was a master of Force Melt, his best-known ability. He also had tentacles, which he used on his victims, typically young school girls. He was so boring and pessimistic that he was also a master of Force Bore to Death, although he rarely used it.
Darth Squidward was also quick to discover the weaknesses of his opponents, which he could use to frightening effect, as shown when he used Force Bankruptcy on Mr. Krabs, causing all of his money to disappear and therefore making him powerless.
He was so powerful, he could even bring video game characters to life. Of course, this ultimately led to the deaths of a bunch of them, who were killed by Darth Vader.
There were few sith lords more powerful than him, to say the very least.
Behind The ScenesEdit
- "Oh puh-leeze! I did not FUCKING die!"
- ―Darth Squidward, to the fans.
- Darth Squidward did die. Didn't you read the biography?
Star Wars Battlefront: Yodakenobi Strike Team on Star Wars Fanon.