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- "We got Death Star! Death Star! Death Star!"
- ―Darth Vader
The Death Star, also known as that Big Ball Planet Destroying Thing, or Spaceballs, was the ultimate power in the universe, and it caused Death. Lots of Death. It was an UbEr PwNaGe space station commanded by
The Angry German Kid Grand Moff Tarkin. Some believe that this is not the biggest ball that Tarkin was in command of. It was also used by Darth Vader to destroy planets, but Tarkin usually made him talk dirty about his big ball before he was allowed to use it. The Empire claimed it was "indestructible" but was later destroyed by burritos. Big Burritos.
According to legend, if the Death Star hadn't been totally destroyed, it could have gone through destroying up to four planets before it outlived its strangely short warranty. The Death Star was also quite eco-friendly, since it was solar powered. Two Death Stars would be completed and together they became known as the "Emperor's enormous balls".
A many, many years before Darth Vader started practising his champion sport, Saruman's best friend in the world, the big Eye In The Sky, was defeated by were-ewoks (more known as Hobbits) so Saruman got a face lift, more or less, and became Count Dookie.
He then travelled to some desert planet that resembled Mars and was inhabited by giant cockroaches, who were such a good workforce that he employed them to build a huge sphere made out of LEGO bricks, just for the heck of it. Then he sold the blueprints to the Separatists... wait, he was one of them, right? Ah, nevermind.
Anyway, after the guys in white armor invaded his cockroach planet, he ran away to the boss of the guys in white armor, who was also his boss... no, wait, that doesn't make any sense... anyway, the thing is: the boss of the guys in white armor, called Palpatine, thought the idea of the LEGO sphere was very good for a Guiness World Record but, after all, what
the fuck do you need a giant LEGO sphere for in space? So he had the BEST IDEA IN THE WORLD: he gave it a supah-dupah all-pwning LAZOR cannon, powered by a VERY BIG AA battery - but the thing was, no AA battery was around, so instead they used trillions of billions of AAA batteries, which left the galaxy battery-less, thus starting Ze Big Energie Crisis.
The Destruction of a PlanetEdit
- "Something something something daaark siiiide. Something something something complete!"
- ―Emperor Palpatine on the Death Star II's throne room
When the Death Star blew up a planet, it shot a
FUCKING HUGE DEATH LASER and PWNed anything in its way. They also preformed a many Death Star Drive-bys on bitch gang who don't be respecting.
Also contained many, many Nukes in case the Death Star blew up. That way they could go out with a bang.
The Superlaser IncidentEdit
- "Stand by...Stand by...Stand by...Stand by......Anytime now.....God those torpedoes are slow..."
- ―Tenn Graneet
And so on, and so on...
20 years Before the Destruction of the Death StarEdit
- Engineer: "Okay, the turbolasers are set would you like any Anti-Starfighter Turrets?"
- Palpatine: "Pfft, hells no! No starfighter is going to be suicidal enough to come near this!"
- — Engineer and Palpatine
Day During The Trench RunEdit
- Imperial Officer: "Sir the Rebel Ships are small, fast, and evading our turbolasers."
- Palpatine: "Shit."
- — Imperial Officer and Palpy