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Death Star I

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"We got Death Star! Death Star! Death Star!"
―Darth Vader

The Death Star, also known as that Big Ball Planet Destroying Thing, or Spaceballs, was the Star of Death, and it caused Death. Lots of Death. It was an UbEr PwNaGe space station commanded by The Angry German Kid Grand Moff Tarkin. It was used by Darth Vader to destroy planets. The Empire claimed it was "indestructible" but was later destroyed by burritos. Big Burritos. According to legend, if the Death Star hadn't been totally destroyed, it could have gone through destroying up to four planets before it outlived its strangely short warranty. The Death Star was also quite eco-friendly, since it was solar powered. Two Death Stars would be completed and together they became known as the "Emperor's enormous balls".

ConstructionEdit

A many, many years before Darth Vader started practising his champion sport, Saruman's best friend in the world, the big Eye In The Sky, was defeated by were-ewoks (more known as Hobbits) so Saruman got a face lift, more or less, and became Count Dookie.

He then travelled to some desert planet that resembled Mars and was inhabited by giant cockroaches, who were such a good workforce that he employed them to build a huge sphere made out of LEGO bricks, just for the heck of it. Then he sold the blueprints to the Separatists... wait, he was one of them, right? Ah, nevermind.

Anyway, after the guys in white armor invaded his cockroach planet, he ran away to the boss of the guys in white armor, who was also his boss... no, wait, that doesn't make any sense... anyway, the thing is: the boss of the guys in white armor, called Palpatine, thought the idea of the LEGO sphere was very good for a Guiness World Record but, after all, what the fuck do you need a giant LEGO sphere for in space? So he had the BEST IDEA IN THE WORLD: he gave it a supah-dupah all-pwning LAZOR cannon, powered by a VERY BIG AA battery - but the thing was, no AA battery was around, so instead they used trillions of billions of AAA batteries, which left the galaxy battery-less, thus starting Ze Big Energie Crisis. 


The Destruction of a PlanetEdit

"Something something something daaark siiiide. Something something something complete!"
―Emperor Palpatine on the Death Star II's throne room
Superlaser

The previously mentioned FUCKING HUGE DEATH LASER

When the Death Star blew up a planet, it shot a FUCKING HUGE DEATH LASER and PWNed anything in its way. They also preformed a many Death Star Drive-bys on bitch gang who don't be respecting.

Also contained many, many Nukes in case the Death Star blew up. That way they could go out with a bang.

The Superlaser IncidentEdit

"Stand by...Stand by...Stand by...Stand by......Anytime now.....God those torpedoes are slow..."
―Tenn Graneet

And so on, and so on...

20 years Before the Destruction of the Death StarEdit

Engineer: "Okay, the turbolasers are set would you like any Anti-Starfighter Turrets?"
Palpatine: "Pfft, hells no! No starfighter is going to be suicidal enough to come near this!"
— Engineer and Palpatine

Day During The Trench RunEdit

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Imperial Officer: "Sir the Rebel Ships are small, fast, and evading our turbolasers."
Palpatine: "Shit."
— Imperial Officer and Palpy

Of course, Palpatine wasn't on board that day. Probably explains why he tried to build another one.

The Big BangEdit

RicOlieRight
This article is called Death Star I. Death Star I has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Death Star I can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
WookieepediaLogoBouncing
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Death Star I.
Tarkin: "Prepare to destroy Yavin IV."
Engineer: "Ummmm sir. A pilot shot a missile in a two meter hole. Which means.......WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!"
Tarkin: "Ah fuck."
— Tarkin and an engineer right before the Death star got PWNed[src]
Unfortunately, the PWNinator got destroyed by Wormie. Many people were like, "WTF?!". Four years later, and bigger, badass PWNinator was built, in honor of Darth Darth Binks' mighty ball destroyer.

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