Death Star III

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"You will now witness the full POWAAAHHHH of this fully operational BAAATLE SPAAAA"
―The Emperor at the opening ceremony

the 3rd death star

The Death Star III was an Imperial battlespa created at some point after the destruction of the Death Star II. It was used as a resort for the Empire and a retreat from when battles were lost. There were no Hangars, barracks or cargo bays making this the most pointless possession of the Empire. Even your Mum was there kissing her butt.


The third death star is primarily used as Palpatine's holiday resort featuring a range of swimming pools and spas all over the surface. Rumor has it that the "Lulz I'll destroy your mutherfucking death star" vent has been covered by a garden shed of medium size completely ruining the death star's resale value, and has baffled rebel pilots for a long time. Underneath the peaceful resort exterior there lies a power far worse than a horny Sarlacc. Yes... Well no.. It's just a story to stop Fledgling TIE fighters from crashing into the surface. Actually the third death star has a gooey, soft interior similar to that of a single M&M.

Also rumored to Destroy your planet although no confirmation as of yet.


The exact measurements and capabilities of the station are not completely known. It's a horrible fact that it was armed with two superlasers similar to the other stations in the series and had a relatively heavier defense network of turbolasers dotting the surface. It is speculated that the death star III used the superlasers to propel itself through space, but this is not known for sure since it was never seen moving except in the evil alternate universe, where it had giant flowers instead of superlasers. Rumor has it that Palpatine Wanted the station bright pink, painted with a variety of space weeds from an unknown location.

There is a rumor going around that it is shielded by "Flower Power" from a nearby moon, although again. No confirmation as of yet.


The battlestation underwent construction near Endor and was guarded by fleets of Star Destroyers.

A few months after the Battle of Endor, a New Republic of Bitches task force was sent to destroy the station. A similar weakness to the first Death Star had been discovered in the unfinished superstructure, and Republic Bitch starfighters made their way past the Imperial escorts, fought TIE fighter squadrons and made a trench run to their designated target. Unfortunately faced with the sheer might of a medium sized garden shed, the rebels could not hold for long and soon retreated.

(Will the Empire ever learn? Tune in next time Mr.Lucas decides that he wants more cash to find out!)

This article is called Death Star III. Death Star III has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Death Star III can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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