Destroy your orphan

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"DESTROY YOUR ORPHAN" or, "Destroy you, orphans," as it was originally spelled before those bastards illegally nicked it, was originally a phrase used by the super mega Sith Overlord Darth (Count) Olaf in his relentless search for the famed Baudelaire Orphans of the planet New Orleans, whose homeworld is appropriately now "underwater." Darth (Count) Olaf used this nefarious phrase notable times on his campaign to destroy these pestilencal orphans; his grudge against whom began one night at a drama theatre.

The OriginEdit

Darth (Count) Olaf had had numerous acquaintances with the parents of the Baudelaire Orphans, the Jedi Masters Bertrand and Beatrice Baudelaire. Obviously, Darth Olaf, being a Sith, disliked the Baudelaires immensely, and therefore he decided to have them wiped off the face of the Galaxy ever since his girlfriend had had her sugar bowl nicked by Kit, a friend of Beatrice Baudelaire who shall never reappear again in this article, so doncha dare even mention her name again, bitch!!! Well, anyway, Darth Olaf wasn't quite a Sith Overlord yet, he was just in training. He decided to get recruited into the ranks of the Sith Overlords and thus become one of the greatest tyrants of the Galaxy. Darth Olaf joined the Sith, but there was one problem, the Sith had notable enemies - a branch of the Jedi known as V.F.D. Known as the Volunteer Fire Department, they put out fires and saved noble citizens from certain planet destruction. So, all thoughts aside, there was nothing for Darth Olaf to do but to join the V.F.D.

The RecruitmentEdit

As the members of V.F.D were a bunch of nerds who burnt down people's houses and simultaneously believed that people could be pure good if their positive thoughts were bought to the surface, it was far too easy for Darth Olaf to join the ranks of V.F.D. Once in the organization, Darth Olaf travelled the world and set about killing people whom he did not think suited his methods of an arsonist. It was also during this time that he developed his arsonistic tendencies because he happened to witness Palpy burning down the Jedi headquarters in Peru and automatically thought 'Holy Sith, that's awesome!'


When Olaf returned to V.F.D, all was not well. He had developed his own views on the world and decided to spread the word of the Sith to V.F.D in general, but he had doubts sowed on his mind by the gay Jedi teaching. Darth Olaf was pondering, in two minds, until that Sith spaceship which had landed on Mustafar sped right onto the street before him and automatically its doors expelled Palpy who said "If you wanna fuck, then get it over with, right, Ollie?" Olaf was coincidentally confused at such a thing but then his arsonist and rebellious thoughts were automatically spurred into action. Darth Olaf returned to V.F.D and spread the word, culminating in this phrase: "If I die, I will destroy your orphan!"

Darth Olaf was automatically expelled from V.F.D but then met the famed Baudelaire Orphans of the planet New Orleans of whom his obssession with "destroying orphans" began. As time went by, this infamous phrase most numerously stuck in his head, but the first time he uttered this phrase aloud was when the Baudelaires first foiled his first plan and he said "I'll get my hands on your fortune if its the last thing I do. But first, I'll destroy your orphan with my own two hands!" Darth Olaf automatically trotted off to Endor to plot his plans more fully.

The Phrase's ObssessionEdit

Darth Olaf then pursued the Baudelaires, and wherever they foiled his plans, he uttered the phrase as a final threat. "Next time, orphans, next time, I'll destroy your orphan!!" Darth Olaf was the most excellent at using this phrase, as it sounded stupid on everyone else's tongue. Darth Olaf uttered this phrase in the swamps, in a lake, in some mill someplace, in an academy (Wherein he posed as a pedophile) and in a tower block. He used the phrase in an auction house but escaped. He met up with the Baudelaires next at a village, where he uttered this phrase before zooming off with his girlfriend on a quad when he realized the joke was on him. He then uttered that phrase over the intercom of a Hospital, over a loudspeaker in a carnival, atop a dangerous Mountan, in the depths of the ocean (Wherein he posed as a pirate) and in a fancy Hotel, which was actually underwater. The last time he used this phrase was when he had been harpooned on a desert Island, but he never, ever, actually managed to accomplish his goal.

This article is called Destroy your orphan. Destroy your orphan has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Destroy your orphan can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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