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- "Call Dr. Cornelius
Open 24 hours
The pile of bodies in the back
- ―The ad jingle for Dr. Cornelius' Feelgood Happy Clinic of Merriment and Physiological Comfort
Dr. Cornelius' Feelgood Happy Clinic of Merriment and Physiological Comfort was a small discount hospital in Mos Eisley on Tatooine run by the friendly and helpful Dr. Cornelius. As the proprietor was fond of boasting, no one ever left the clinic unhappy.
Testimonials from satisfied customersEdit
- "My butt used to be in the same place where I sit. I'm sure you can imagine the inconvenience…even the social shame. But then Dr. Cornelius worked his magic on me. Now, I can talk, eat, and shit with the same orifice! Thank you, Dr. Cornelius. Thank you."
- ―Ponda Baba
- "Before I met Dr. Cornelius, I was cursed with lazy good-for-nothing parents who did nothing but sit around all day long. Dr. Cornelius helped them achieve their lifelong dream of becoming furniture. And then, as if that wasn't great enough, my own time at his clinic gave me the experience with soul-wrenching agony I needed to become the most powerful Sith on my entire continent. I owe so much to Dr. Cornelius!"
- ―Darth Disfigurement
- "As a male Jawa of breeding age, my stench has to be as strong as possible. But a few years ago, I was stricken with the most tragic, despair-inducing malady that can befall a male Jawa: Acute Stink Gland Failure. I thought the surgery I needed would be prolonged, invasive, and so expensive that my whole clan's junkyard would be cleaned out. But at Dr. Cornelius' clinic, it was all outpatient! I was astonished; the man's a genius. All he did was shove this dead thing into my robe. He wouldn't tell me what it was or where he got it, but you know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is that now I'm fightin' off the lady Jawas with a gaffi stick. Thank you, Dr. Cornelius!"
- ―Jerry the Jawa
- "I was once a balding, average-looking, two-armed male Human. Then I found out about Dr. Cornelius' clinic. Now I'm the galaxy's most well-known four-armed transgendered chef! Without Dr. Cornelius, I'd still be working buffet tables at the Motel 6."
- "A few years ago I was in the field battling Imperial stormtroopers when I took a laserblast to the face. I survived, but suffered total mustache failure. I thought I was done for, but then somebody told me Dr. Cornelius was a trained field surgeon. He showed up with just a staple gun and a womprat, but with his skill, that was all it took."
- ―Garm Bel Iblis