Eating Glass, Crapping Blood And Not Giving A Damn.

Karen Traviss

Cover artist

A. Schmuck

Publication information

Genco Oil

Media type







Eating Glass, Crapping Blood And Not Giving A Damn was the official biography of Darth Animal, ghostwritten by Karen Traviss. It was written in Shyriiwook and Mando'a. This was a highly acclaimed novel since massive rumors went around that Darth Animal Wookiee-Nookie'd the author to death after completing the book.


Chapter 1: My Mother was a Whore and my Father Smelt of Elderberries
Darth Animal explains his birth and why he really killed his mother: because she was a "nasty, rotten whore that had it coming."

Chapter 2: Eating Disorder, Schmeating Disorder
Animal talks about his supposed eating disorder, stating, "sure, I might have a little bit of a problem trying to not eat another person. But does that make me less of a Madclaw!? No, of course it doesn't. It makes me a better one."

Chapter 3: Killing Deez Nuts
Darth Animal goes on to explain about the killing of his "grandfather", Dr. Dick-Smith Deez Nuts and how it affected him emotionally. He also explains why after the encounter with Deez Nuts, he began loosing trust in his Sith Master, Darth Elmo.

Chapter 5: Oh Wait, Shouldn't This Be Chapter 4?
Darth Animal goes into discussion about his frequent memory-loss stemming from his use of Force disco during the Twi'lek Purge. The Force power was powerful enough to cause Animal's mind to decay. During the development of this chapter, Animal blacked out. The very next day, he found himself in bed with an unknown MANDALORIAN female. Nine months later, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

Chapter 5: The Real Chapter 5
Animal questions whether this chapter should be "Chapter 5" or not. Half-way through writing it, he blacked out yet again. Again, the next day he found himself in bed with another MANDALORIAN, this one male. At this point he gave up and destroyed the planet that had the manu-script on it.

Behind the scenesEdit

This article is called Eating Glass, Crapping Blood And Not Giving A Damn. Eating Glass, Crapping Blood And Not Giving A Damn has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Eating Glass, Crapping Blood And Not Giving A Damn can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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