Emperor's Royal Guard

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Now you see why the Emperor had these guards follow him around everywhere

Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Emperor's Royal Guard.
"Guards. Leave us."
"Um... you're sure? I mean, we spent the last ten years training to fight off your enemies...
―Palpatine, ticking off his guards

The Emperor's Royal Guard were the freaky people in red burqas who guarded Emperor Palpatine. You know, under those burqas, they were really hot women. Okay, not really... maybe a few. Stormtroopers hated them because when their laundry was mixed together, it turned their undergarments pink.

The Guard was founded by Cardinal Richelieu, Raistlin Majere, and the Scarlet Pimpernel. They were a savage, well-trained fighting force... but mostly they just followed the Emperor wherever he went and stood around.

Royal Guards hated it when Palpatine said "Leave us" and brought one of his worst archenemies into his room for a monologuing session. They also hated it whenever someone pointed out that their name was an oxymoron: Emperor's Royal Guard. They didn't guard the king and queen; they guarded the Emperor, which means they should've been called the Emperor's Imperial Guard... which would have been redundant. The halls of the Imperial Palace were littered with the bodies of pedants who refused to concede the point.

This article is called Emperor's Royal Guard. Emperor's Royal Guard has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Emperor's Royal Guard can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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