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The Fifth Imperial officer in background of unnamed Star Destroyer-like spaceship was a hugely pivotal character who appeared somewhere between the opening crawl and the end credits of one of the Star Wars movies. He also appeared in a chapter of that book I can't remember the name of or find, but it's definitely in there so if you remove the info again I will have you banned.
The Fifth Imperial officer in the background of unnamed Star Destroyer-like spaceship's name real name was Jimbo Krits. Jimbo was born on the planet Hoth and was adopted by Wampas after his parents were brutally murdered by Wampas. He later made it off-planet by hijacking a U-Haul spacetruck and made it to Coruscant during the Battle of Coruscant. His U-Haul spacetruck was shot down and he crashed into the Jedi Temple. Thinking he was an assassin Jax Pavan 4783 chopped off Jimbo's left arm. Jimbo managed to escape the crazed Jedi and made it to a hospital.
When he got to the hospital he told the surgeons that he had money so they would give him a prosthetic arm. After the surgery he knocked out the surgeons with his new arm and fled the hospital.
Anti-Jedi Guerrilla Force FiveEdit
After Jimbo escaped from the hospital he fled to the lower levels of Coruscant where he signed up for an Anti-Jedi movement. He was put under the command of Conan Motti, future Godfather Moff of the Empire. The Anti-Jedi Guerrilla Force Five started out as a group of five violent Anti-Jedi protesters, but their numbers grew to about six by the time Jimbo joined the AJGGFF or Ajegeff. Conan Motti and Jimbo were sent to attack the Jedi Temple's Youngling Quarters in a suicide mission meant to weaken the Jedi youngling rate. Of course, they screwed up. They ended up at a secret black market warehouse that was the beginnings of what would become the Sith Happens Condom and Pregnancy Test Emporium. They lost track of time and the mission and returned to base without any progress to show. Motti, because he was the leader, he didn't fire himself, he fired the little guy, Mousy McCheesey. He also fired Jimbo. Jimbo moved on.
Life After AJeGeffEdit
Actually, Jimbo didn't move on. He fell in love with AJeGeff in the short two hours, forty-two minutes, seven seconds he was with them. He spent two weeks after he was fired from AJeGef crying and masturbating to pictures of Conan Motti. He was a mess. Then, a riot started outside the Senate Chambers and Jimbo snapped out of his masturbation-filled depression.
Jimbo was walking through Coruscant on his way to buy more pictures of Conan Motti when he saw an angry mob forming outside the Senate Building. They were protesting some Clown War or something, but Jimbo had the urge to shoot people so he took out his gun and started firing randomly. Senator Jet Fatso, Jek Porkins' uncle, came out to calm down the crowd. He was then shot by Jimbo, but since Fatso was a little overweight (just 7520 pounds) the bullet bounced off the Senator's stomach and into Jimbo's eye. Jimbo fell to the ground screaming like a little girl. He was trampled twice once by the crowd who ran away because the Clones chased them away, and then a second time by the Clones pursuing the protesters.
Laying in front of the Senate Building for days with one eye and thirteen broken bones, no one bothered to help Jimbo in his pain. His left ear was eaten by a dog and he was used as first base for a kids baseball game, then when the kids got bored they decided to kick Jimbo until his arms fell off. Finally, he gathered enough strength to drag himself to the hospital using his tongue. The doctors replaced his arms and repaired his bones until they found out he didn't have enough health insurance, so they ripped off his new arms and broke his bones again. So he had to wait a few weeks until Chancellor Barack Obama galactized health care and Jimbo got his arm stapled back on and his bones taped together. Then the Chancellor
disbanded destroyed the CIA Torture Division Jedi Order and started the Imperial Academy.
At the Imperial Academy Jimbo was at the bottom of his class. He failed two classes and got D-s in all the rest. He then failed summer-school and was forced to repeat once. Twice. Three times. During the nineteenth time he passed with all Cs and was sent to the Outer Rim in a TIE Fighter on a "scouting mission"
Unfortunately for the Empire, Jimbo lived. He made his way back to Coruscant and was sent to some distant world to have an Imperial presence. He and two recruits from the planet he was sent to defended the small villages from things such as centipedes, wind, and Crazed Wookiee's. Jimbo tried to file for a transfer many times but the canary never did well in space. Eventually, Jimbo smuggled himself aboard a ship heading to Coruscant. When he came back they decided that they would just give him a job aboard some random cruiser. Unfortunately, that random cruiser was the same cruiser Darth Vader chose randomly to fly to Cloud City. From Cloud City, Darth Vader flew to the second Death Star where Jimbo was given a position.
I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count.
Known aliases for this man included:
- Darth Wankathon
- James T. Kirk
- Yo Mama
- Diploongy Phreet
- Jerry 'The Shark' Tarkanian
- Pop 'N' Fresh
- The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
- John Doe