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"Use the Fork!"
Yoda to Chewbacca during the 42nd Annual Jedi Banquet

Forks were a technological innovation used over almost all of the galaxy and favored by the Jedi and the Sith alike. Introduced into the galactic technological mainstream as far back as -98768797987987.2 BBY. Forks are still in production and factories exist on many planets throughout known space.

HistoryEdit

Created by the brilliant scientists of some prehistoric age, Forks combine the awesome technology of a multi-bladed lightsaber with the simplicity of the common kitchen knife. Traditionally hand-crafted out of wood, they are now largely constructed by modern companies using sophisticated procedures and much more modern durable materials like metal and plastic.

Tech SpecsEdit

Typical forks are essentially one hand tools consisting of two parts: the longer, flatter handle section and the multiple sharp and pointy tine sections. The tines are designed for ease of poking or piercing and the neat one handed approach leaves Siths free to sever with a knife, whatever it is they happen to be poking or piercing. Forks also come with a Left-hand/Right-hand Universality feature allowing them to be used freely by anyone, and the Force-Maleable construction material ensures that force sensitive people can use forks even if they have no hands.

Forks are usually designed to size-specifications that allow them to be easily stowed away in one's pocket or one's kitchen cabinet.

Forks are also notable for their relatively low-cost-of-maintenance. While it is true som Galactic Leaders have gone to extreme lengths to keep their Forks in shape (see Four-Tines below) most normal people will say that a clean dishtowel or some running water should be good enough.

Types of ForkEdit

Forks are created in many shapes but there are some very basic designs that are adhered to as per technical design treaties signed throughout the galaxy. The principal types of Fork design are as follows:

The Two-TineEdit

The Two-Tine is an older design rarely used today. It basically is a fork with two tines. Even when manufactured today they are generally larger and clumsier with wooden handles. There are records of two-tines being used extensively in the old days, often by Grand Imperial Armies while they tried to eat their lunches.

The Three TineEdit

Produced in 42 BBY by AlForQ industries, the Three-tine is one of the two designs prevalent today, three tines are immensly popular through the galaxy and are used by most Armies whether they be imperial or rebel. Three-tines recently, have also been released to the populace which, especially in the case of plastic Three-tines, has revolutionised the Galactic food industry.

The Four-TineEdit

The Four-Tine was created in 10 BBY by ForkIt Corp as an upgrade to the original Three-Tine design. Although purported to be easier to use, more elegant, and stronger, the already widespread use of Three-Tines and the existence of cheap production methods has made it difficult for ForkIt to capture the fork market with their design. It has however grown into significant use, especially amongst Galactic Superiors (it is said Palpatine had 15 men to look after the maintenance of his Four-Tine) who view its expense and elegance as the perfect symbol of their status. Among the populace there is still much debate over the usefulness of either design: sometimes battles ensue after one enthusiast of a particular design attempts to prove to his opponents just how 'efficient' his fork can be.

UsesEdit

"May the fork be with you!"
―Galactic meal-time prayer

Forks are used all through the galaxy except for a few places (like Kashyyyk) where they are banned for being too neat and tidy.

Forks lend themselves to a wide variety of uses, but their main use is as an eating aid. They can be wielded in one hand so as to pierce a particular food item with the tines until it is stuck to the Fork, and then, using the handle, the food can be lifted to the mouth, allowing for clean efficient eating, even for non-Force-sensitives. They can also be suitably put to use as implements of discipline, material for modern art, noise making devices, and, if you are very skilled, shaving equipment.

The use of Forks as weapons in combat is also not unknown. Certain cults, such as the Heaven's Fork, use the Fork exclusively as their weapon of choice. They seem to be the major buyers of the older, larger, Two-Tines.

Whatever the use, there are four major forms of Fork use:

Form IEdit

In this from the fork is held between the thumb and index finger, pointing towards an individual. This is considered the Classic Fork Form and is useful for shoveling stuff into your mouth. It is generally practiced by old fogeys or by anyone with a better up-bringing. It is generally associated with Four-Tines. Notable Form I users: Palpatine, Grand Moff Tarkin, etc.

Form IIEdit

This more down and dirty form of fork use involves placing the fork firmly in the fist and pretty much winging it from there. It is the easiest form to master, but can be formidable in its own right. It is generally associated with Three-Tines. Notable Form II users: Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Watto, the Imperial Army, etc.

Form 0Edit

This form was created by Yoda. It involved avoiding hands all-together and using the force to manipulate the fork. It is generally associated with any damn type of Fork you want. Notable Form 0 users: Yoda, Darth Plagueis, etc.

Form @#$%Edit

This Form was created by Cookie Monster. It involved eating the Fork. HE is the only person known to have practiced this form of Fork use.

Other UsesEdit

During the Revolt of the Jedi Scum forks were frequently bought en masse by the rebels who would melt them down and turn them into A-wings. The Sith considered destroying all Fork-producing planets in retaliation but then decided against it, cause, like, then, who'd make forks? Every Sith needs a fork.

Note: Forks cannot be used to destroy planets

Disposing of ForksEdit

Due to their durability, Forks are not easily disposed of. Special people referred to as Fork-Benders or just Benders are designated throughout the galaxy for this task. They dispose of the fork by first forming a special bond with it, then they get the Fork all hot and bothered by using it for Masturbation. At the end of this the fork just sort of...melts....

Advances in Fork TechnologyEdit

Though the basic technology behind Forks has not changed much several attempts have been made to advance them. Following the success of Three-Tines and Four-Tines, people have attempted to increase the Tinage of new Forks, with varying degrees of success. One major attempt at innovation was the Spork, designed by AlForQ in an attempt to win consumers back from ForkIt, however the Spork has never really enjoyed to popularity of Forks.

RicOlieRight
This article is called Fork. Fork has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Fork can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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