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Gardulla

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Gardulla
Gardulla
Biographical information
Homeworld

Nar Shadada

Born

Unknown

Died

Unknown

Physical description
Species

Hutt

Gender

Hermaphrodite

Height

As tall as she was wide

Eye color

Yellow?

Chronological and political information
Affiliation

Gardulla was a Hutt crimelord (or crimelady) on a third-rate dirtball of a planet. Though Hutts were hermaphrodites, and typically only became female for gestation and the first few decades of their Huttlets' lives, Gardulla chose to embrace the female gender most of the time, perhaps due to a hormone imbalance and a strong holosoap addiction. While Gardulla was, in typical Hutt fashion, both a close friend and bitter rival of Jabba Desilijic Tiure, romance never budded between the two, despite a shared interest in nubile young humanoids. She was bilingual, speaking not only Buttese but also Basic, which she learned from endless hours of daytime television. In her entire seven-hundred-year-plus lifespan, Gardulla never traveled to Coruscant, although she did regularly send phony postcards from the ecumenopolis to jealous she-Hutt friends.

The she-Hutt also suffered from a severe gambling addiction, and just couldn't keep herself away from betting on podraces, playing sabacc, or engaging in stip-poker with her drinking buddy, Jabba. For a brief period, Gardulla was the owner of Anakin Skywalker and his mother Shmee, having acquired them for the purpose of rowing her spaceship. The Force was not with the Hutt, however, as she lost the pair in a game of low-stakes back-alley dice with Watto.

Personal lifeEdit

Gardullamakeup

Gardulla, ready to entertain guests.

Gardulla's personal affairs mimicked the lives of the characters on her favorite holosoap, All My Younglings, in that she was constantly engaged in a series of breakups and make-ups with her boyfriend, David. The typically underdeveloped Huttese sense of monogamy played a crucial role in their relationship, as Gardulla would frequently make herself available to whatever poor soul or pitiable droid ambled into her vicinity. David, an investment banker from Kuat, shared this wanton tendency, making for many an uncomfortable dinner party populated with secret lovers, in turn tended to by unwilling sex slaves of the mistress and master of the house.

It was just such a gathering in 32 BBY that sparked the most controversial of Gardulla's separations from David. Gardulla, having once again self-medicated with blossom wine, decided to play a round of strip-poker with everyone present, even though there was not a deck of cards present. David attempted to stop the proceedings, but was dragged away by the she-Hutt's guards, whom she had ordered to tickle David until he either peed himself or said "uncle." Gardulla then proceeded to bellow "I lose!" and removed her garments. The proceedings of the wild orgy that followed cannot be expressed on this family-friendly wiki, but it must be mentioned that a Gamorrean boar named Lugnut was involved to a greater degree even than Gardulla herself.

David

David, Gardulla's longtime on-again-off-again boyfriend.

Soon thereafter, David packed his bags—and bagged his packs of cigarettes—and returned to Kuat, where he moved into the basement of his younger sister's house. When interviewed by gossip-mongers from HoloNet News, David's only comment regarding Gardulla was "I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from my [CENSORED]." Transferring all of his personal accounts to Kuat, and ending his service to upstart Tatooinian venture capitalist Huff Darklighter, David quickly disappeared from public view, blending into a sea of telbuns.

Meanwhile, in Gardulla's palace on Tatooine, hedonism ruled supreme. Many a young female Twi'lek disappeared after being purchased by the palace staff, along with scores of Baragwin massage therapists whom the she-Hutt called in to "rub that man right out of my folds." Eventually the planetary authorities placed a call in to the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic, pleading for assistance before the orgy could depopulate (and then repopulate) the entire sector. A team of Jedi Knights was sent in, led by the she-Hutt's own former property, Anakin Skywalker, and tasked with "ending the party."

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Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Gardulla the Elder.

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