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Geonosian

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Cockroach
Geonosian
Planet of origin

Geonosis

Height of average adult

1.6 to 1.8 meters

Average wingspan

Unknown, but those wings are covered in grime

Skin color

Dark orange, green

Distinctions

Exoskeleton, feathers

"Somebody saw a cockroach up on twelve."
"That's gotta be some cockroach."
"Bite your head off, man.
"
RC-1138, "Boss," to a guy outside an elevator on Geonosis

Geonosians were the insectoid inhabitants of Geonosis. They were tireless workers, great fans of blood sport, and tended to congregate under rocks and inside plaster walls.

Biology and appearanceEdit

Geonosians were the evolutionary result of a planet with no anteaters. A balanced ecology would have kept the Geonosian population down, but early in the primordial history of Geonosis, a rogue comet struck the moon, creating a massive debris field that destroyed 99 percent of the native species. The remaining mammal population was overwhelmed by the insect life. You know how they say only the cockroach will survive a nuclear holocaust? Well, the Geonosians are that cockroach. The ancestors of the modern Geonosians then took up residence in the trees of the planet, but within a couple million years, all the trees had succumbed to bug rot. The Geonosians evolved to the top of an all-insect food chain by moving to subterranean environments. Later they adapted by constructing huge hive colonies made out of a combination of gravel and their own spit.

HistoryEdit

CoyoteBug

Early in the history of Geonosis, mammals found themselves at the mercy of bugs

RepublicEdit

The Geonosians first made contact with the Galactic Republic when the two cultures unknowingly colonized the same planet, LV-426. The Republic colonists were scared out of their wits and immediately called the exterminators, who nuked the planet from orbit. Relations went a little sour after that.

Many corporations, however, discovered the Geonosians made great contractors for outsourcing hard, dirty work. Baktoid Armor Workshop moved its droid and weapons factories to Geonosis. IBM almost moved, too, but they decided the Geonosians weren't hive-minded enough. Geonosis got a seat in the Republic Senate, and the Geonosians spent most of their time hanging out with the Verpine and the Vratix.

Clone WarsEdit

"Is this gonna be a stand-up fight, sir, or another bug-hunt?"
―RC-1207, "Sev"

Archduke Poggle the Lesser (not to be confused with Poggle the Fewer) broke away from the Republic in 24 BBY, and Geonosis became part of the Confederacy of Independent Systems and devoted its factories to producing the Separatist Droid Army. Count Dooku and the Separatist leaders met on Geonosis to plan the war, but were overheard by Obi-Wan Kenobi, who managed to warn the Republic before being captured.

Soon Geonosis was crawling with clone troopers, making nonstop bug jokes. "Bug bagged." "More bugs, more kills." "I love that crunchy sound they make when they die." It would all be horribly racist if the Geonosians didn't feed on carrion and dung and make a creepy scuttling noise when they walked. The Battle of Geonosis raged on, leading to a clone victory. Even the Jedi seemed to have few moral qualms killing Geonosians with the Force. Ah, well, aliens are only sentient beings with human rights if the author says so.

Sterylization of GeonosisEdit

The Geonosians created Death Star plans, and the Empire didn't like that. But they didn't have the Death Star yet so they couldn't say they were gonna Destroy your planet so they just killed them all

SocietyEdit

BugQueen

An anime author's depiction of the Geonosian Queen (speculative)

Geonosians had a natural caste system... also a natural fixation on curry and silly accent. Wingless drones worked for a winged aristocracy, with a bunch of extra castes that were big and bad-ass but nobody ever sees except for video games. The worker caste were drones who did the manual labor. The warrior caste were winged creatures who grew to adulthood in six years and fought with noise guns. The religious caste... oh, wait a minute, that's not the Geonosians; that's the Minbari. Naturally, there was a queen Geonosian that laid millions of eggs. Her role was to perpetuate the Geonosian race, fight people in power loaders, and be a bitch who refused to "let her go." She also produced brain worms that could control people with some parasitic mental link thingy... but she totally forgot to use that power when it really counted.

Geonosians helped design the Death Star. They spoke a language that sounded like a staticky phone line. They loved Honey Nut Cheerios.

AppearancesEdit

RicOlieRight
This article is called Geonosian. Geonosian has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Geonosian can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
WookieepediaLogoBouncing
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Geonosian.

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