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Window-cleaners never die
Window-cleaner droid, fifth-degree
|Chronological and political information|
- "Observation: This window is filthy, Master, almost as if someone had thrown a bag of meat at it. A meatbag, if you will."
HK-47 was a fifth-class window-cleaning droid operating back when the Galactic Republic was called the "Old Republic", on account of it existing in the olden days. He could – and often would – destroy planets with his amazing ability to quote magnificently.
- "Please don't pee on my floors, meatbag. I just cleaned them."
- ―HK-47, to a victim
Haych-Kay, as he was affectionately known, was a natural window cleaner. All he needed was a bottle of his best "Mace" windu-cleaner and a chamois, and he was away like a rat in a sock. No one could get quite the shine that Haych-Kay managed, every time. The other window-cleaning droids became jealous and wouldn't let poor Haych-Kay join in any window-cleaning games. Their attitude soured as Haych-Kay was given the prestigious job of cleaning all nine million and twelve windows in the Senate Hall. Finally, one of his droid peers, FK-U2, became so jealous that he smashed one of the Senate windows, and blamed the act on HK-47.
Shamed, Haych-Kay was forced to make a tough decision. He could never work as a window-cleaner again with his criminal record, though he loved the job as much as the son he would never have, as he was obviously just a droid. So, Haych-Kay took drastic steps, which are really the same as normal steps, but you need heavy boots on. He became a simple assassin droid, using this innocent job as a front to continue working as a secret window-cleaner.
By day, HK-47 used his extensive knowledge of toxic chemicals to kill various high-ranking diplomats in the Republic, much to the joy of the general populace, while by night he practiced illegal window-cleaning in the slums of Coruscant. HK-47 was happy.
He later got up to various shenanigans with Darth Revan, but those are probably all very tedious and boring, and more than likely don't portray HK-47 as the kick-ass window-cleaning mothermother he actually was.
P.S. HK-47 was a wicked assassin droid anyway and was emmence with Revan. Get it? No? You twit. Fine. We'll just destroy your planet then...
Years after this, HK teamed up with the wicked evil Piglet to create one of the greatest planet destruction teams the galaxy ever saw: the Duo of Death. However, this later proved the be the droid's initial downfall as Piglet's apprentice, Darth Donger, drunkenly stabbed his master through the chest and decapitated HK... Don't worry, rabid fanboys. They bring him back. Reactivate him. Don't have a hissy fit on me, now.
- "Need a brilliant quote master?"
- Window Cleaners of the Old Republic
- Window Cleaners of the Old Republic II: The Squeegee Lords
- Window Cleaners of the Old Republic III: At Sponge's End (pre production)
- Window Cleaners of the Old Republic IV: Only The Cleanest Will Survive