I am your father

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I am your father. Oh didn't you hear? Yeah, those paternity tests finally got back. Yup, double checked and everything. I'm your new daddy! Don't think this means you'll finally have a "real" family, now. Actually, it just means I have to pay child support. In fact, fuck you. Goddamn child support.

Do you know how much you're gonna cost me?Edit

Oh, don't give me any of this "only seven years old" crap, you little money-sucker. In fact, you don't give me any crap any more, ever. I'm paying your way so your damn mom can sit around all day doing diddly-squat, twerp, and this is how you thank me? With all your whining about "date-rape" and "restraining orders?" Know what? Screw you.

And the implications to the force!Edit

Not only do I have to pay for you, I'll also have to sense your presence every time you get anywhere near me! I'll just be in the mall, when all of a sudden I'll walk by a KB Toys and hear your thoughts about how you want some toy Lightsaber or something, and have to come in and "say hello," which is your mother's way of saying she's gonna bitch at me for thirty minutes about how I was "wrong to leave her," or that she's "better off" without me, or how I'm "late on a child support payment" how I "shouldn't have choked that hooker to death with those awesome force powers, no matter how fantastically cool they are and how much they make me want you back," or some shit like that. Either way, it's extraordinarily annoying. Dumb bitch.

Oh, by the way.Edit

I can blow up planets, now. Yeah. Some guy built a thing. Anyways, tell your mom not to get too pushy with me, or I'll mess her up good. Yeah, you heard me, twerp. I'll do this space-rock just I like I did Alderaan. You heard me, go tell her! Anyways, I've got some Sith groupies coming over. They can't get enough of my dark side. Tell your mom that, too. Word for word. Darth out. *click*

I am your father quoteEdit

Darth Vader: "Luke... I am your father."
Luke Skywalker: "Gee whizz, Mister. That's the cat's pyjamas."
— Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker
Darth Vader:: "Luke, There's no such thing as the Tooth Fairy"
Luke Skywalker: " no..... no that's not true!.....That's IMPOSSIBLE!!!"
— Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker
Darth Vader: "Luke, I am your father"
Luke Skywalker: "damn..."
— An alternate reality in which Luke has a spine on the matter.

See alsoEdit

This article is called I am your father. I am your father has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of I am your father can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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