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Imperial Army

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"...An entire legion of my best troops. Which means I'd better send for backup."
―Emperor Palpatine, on the qualities of cannon fodder

The Imperial Army was a vast military branch of the Galactic Empire designated to provide cannon fodder for Rebel heroes to slaughter when the Stormtrooper Corps was not available.

HistoryEdit

"Uncle Tarkin wants YOU!!! for the Imperial Armed Forces!"
―Common Caridan recruitment poster

Upon field studies finding that "only Imperial stormtroopers" were "so precise" as to miss targets at ranges of nine meters, the Galactic Empire's fascination with clones began to wane. To supplement them, a new program was begun in which Imperial citizens were encouraged to sacrifice their lives for their Emperor's amusement. To facilitate this, basic combat training was replaced with parade formations and multi-hour lectures on the application of intimidating sneers. It was hoped that soldiers thus produced would distract the media from focus on the incompetence of stormtroopers.

The first field tests were a wild success. Out of one hundred-and-sixteen divisions sent to quell revolt on Chandrila, not one survived. Hordes of inebriated Chadra-Fan swarmed the troopers and made off with their clothes and weapons. Soon afterward a freak cold front arrived. This caused the unfortunate Imperials to die of pneumonia.

AppearancesEdit

  • Ken Burns' The Chandrila Campaign of '82
RicOlieRight
This article is called Imperial Army. Imperial Army has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Imperial Army can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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