Jar Jar Binks is getting married! is an official press release by the Senate.
Senator Jar Jar Binks announced his engagement to Sheniqua Albomba George today, 04/22/2017. He gave her some delicious boma brains and peed on her carpet. Sheniqua is not used to these odd cutoms and almost immediately called off the wedding. After Senator Binks had a chance to explain himself and give Sheniqua the ring of mummified gizka feet, she apologized for her rash actions. And she darned be certain she apologizes to the public and press, who are not very happy about the confusion. With all these facts, media can screw up the information all they want. Senator Binks would, however, like to say that he is calling off, "dissa weddin because I wasa bein trickyed, an she no no wanna be withen me," which translates to baisically, "Dude, she is so ugly, it was a blind marraige, I'm out!" Jar Jar would also like to add that he plans to go teach that bitch a lesson! I mean, speak nicely and express his hurt feeling to the gentle woman. So there is pretty much all the news that went down in the Senate today. Yes, our Senate really does nothing and we all need to get lives! I'm your host (name withheld because I am in Witness Protection). Join me next week for another report.