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John "Tyler" Tarkin

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John Tyler
John Tarkin
Biographical information
Homeworld

Eriadu

Born

1790

Died

1862

Physical description
Species

Human

Gender

Male

Height

1.8 meters

Hair color

Gray

Eye color

Blue

Chronological and political information
Era(s)
Affiliation

Galactic Empire

BouncingJimbos
Emperor Jimbo commands you to see the real article called: John Tyler.
"I'm taking an awful risk, Vader, becoming the tenth president of the United States."
―John Tarkin

John Tarkin, nicknamed Tyler, known to his hapless subjects as John Tyler, was the tenth president and the First Grand Moff of the United States of America. He became president after the suspiciously short term of William Henry Harrison.

Acting under orders from Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader, Tarkin annexed the Republic of Texas, after destroying Amarillo with a colossal "super-cannon." Whig leader Henry Clay objected to Tarkin's ascendancy, until Vader Force choked him into submission. He survived an impeachment attempt, but his career was in tatters, having been renounced by both the Democrats and the Whigs. His declaration that "fear will keep the voters in line" proved incorrect, and his attempt to organize a third party ended in bitter failure.

He was succeeded by James K. Polk, who rode a wave of popularity due to support from They Might Be Giants.

RicOlieRight
This article is called John "Tyler" Tarkin. John "Tyler" Tarkin has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of John "Tyler" Tarkin can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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