Kanan Jarrus

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Kanan JarrusEdit

Kanan Jarrus is a badass, sexy motherfucker. He is also very ripped. His muscles will blind you because they are so beautiful. He was so beautiful that Maul blinded him out of jealousy because Maul is a whiny ass nut. Daddy Kanan is in a relationship with our Mother, Hera. Kanan also has a very impressive "size" of 8 inches long!

Encounter With Secret Apprentice Edit

At one point Vader sent Darth Secret to kill Jarrus. However right before Starkiller could slaughter Kanan he disappeared because Disney said the EU never existed.

Hk's back

HK confronts Kanan and Ezra.

Assassination Attempt by HK-47 Edit

Later on HK-47 heard that some whiny bitch was close to ruining Star Wars so being the kool badass assassian window-cleaning droid that he was he showed up to kill Kanan.  Unfortunately as he was quoting maginifcently about how his blaster was warming up and how the meatbag better hold still or he would make it more painful for him HK-47 disappeared because Disney said the EU never existed.  The only reason HK-47 didn't disappear when Starkiller did is due to him being in more eras and his ability to quote maginificently.

Death Edit


God smites Jarrus with said holy instrument of death.

Jarrus was killed after he had throughly ruined Star Wars and he encountered the holy one after he had reincarnated in order to survive the EU purge because nobody kills God and gets away with it.  The holy one smited Jarrus with his holy instrument of death.  Kyle Katarn then went on to pay special attention to the planet that the Disney empire was founded on and in a final act of awesomeness Kyle Katarn restored all of the characters the Disney empire had erased back to their rightful place in the universe unfortunately by that time the Star Wars fanbase had died out due to Kanan ruining Star Wars.

Fun Facts Edit

-Kanan is Bi-Sexual

-Kanan smokes weed

-Kanan was molested before the Jedi Order took him in.

-Mace Windu once called him "The worst Mutha Fucka with a saber he had ever seen."

-Over 100 Jedi declined to take Kanan as an apprentice.

-Kanan has a bowel disorder and he frequently soils himself.

-On his first trip to Tatooine he was mugged by an elderly Jawa.

-Once another Padawan cut off his pony tail and he didn't come out of his room until it grew back.

-Kanan was not going to graduate from Padawan Learner to Knight

-Kanan was trained by a Hologram of Depa Billaba because no other Master would take him and at the time Depa Billaba was in a Coma.

-Kanan does not actually have any facial hair (or pubic hair for that matter) his goatee is actually made of plastic that has been super-glued to his face.

-The crew aboard The Ghost only hang around with Kanan because they could not find anyone else stupid enough to pal around with them.

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