- ―Kit Fisto
Kit Fisto was a
Jamaican stereotype Nautolan Jedi created by The Lord of all things nerdy. He had had tentacle-dreads, like a Rastafarian, a nifty lightsaber, and a brilliant shiny smile on his face as if he was masturbating. Like all the time. I mean look at that picture to your right, I mean don't you think it looks like he's just indulging in masturbation? okay hold on waitaminute I wasn't talking about masturbation just now, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, but besides depicting Jamaicans as fun-loving hippies, he was pretty freakin' awesome.
One of the most highly respected Jedi Masters in the Jedi Order. Not because of his amazing lightsaber technique or ability to defuse any hostile situation or so forth…but rather because of his gleaming smile and the fact that he once banged Aayla Secura. Because she was, er, drowning. Yeah. He was giving her air. That's it. Damn him. Unfortunately, his sexiness wasn't very effective against Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, as he went to arrest him with Samuel L. Jackson, Palpatine scratched a straight line of skin off of his upper body. However nobody checked on him to see if he was dead, which he wasn't. He got up easily and went into the next room where he saw Jackson had his lightsaber pointed at Palpatine's neck, thinking that he had won he marched out of the office where Anakin Skywhiner rammed him over and didn't even say sorry, It was almost enough to destroy Kit's happy mood, but Kit was able to march down the steps of the building without losing his sense of happiness and survived Order 66 long enough to bang Alema Rar. he retired on a farm where he realized he was gay, wait, then how did he bang Aayla Secura and Alema Rar then? Bisexuality? I don't think he looks bisexual. Anyway he married Kermit the Frog cause he's green and had two beautiful children, The Hulk and Shrek, and they lived unhappily ever after. That's when he realized he wasn't gay, so he sliced Kermit into frog's legs, and found both Aayla Secura and Alema Rar in a threesome with Aayla's husband Grover. He cut Grover into Super Grover, who he then cut into 6 Samuel L. Jacksons who went to confront Palpatine and failed. Alema, Kit and Aayla were somehow married and banged each other every night. But somehow they had no children.
Fisto later went on to be a hidden salesmen and told the workers on Darth star ll to put giant Chasms for people to fall down, hoping palpatine would trip over his robes and fall to his death. Fisto blew up a sushi bar with help from a mon Calamari so they could be social justice for the Aqautic community. He resurfaced many years later after Order 66 to help Luke out in traing a new genartion of Jedi.
In the flipping Disney Canon, Fisto was killed by Palpatine in the office fight. Aayla also died to Order 66. Let's hope they both became force ghost and can live together forever.