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Kolto

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Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Kolto.
"Take your kolto, son, so you can grow up to be a big strong man and fight the Mandalorians!"
―Some mother to her young son

Kolto was a healing seltzer and vitamin supplement that occurred naturally within the global oceans of Manaan. In the millennia before the discovery of Thyferra and the bacta originally produced there, it was used as a panacea by nearly every civilized nation-state in the galaxy. Except the Mandalorians, but then, they're not exactly civilized.

The trade in kolto made the planet extremely wealthy. During the Jedi Civil War, both the Galactic Republic and Sith Empire maintained embassies on Manaan, in order to buy kolto from the native Selkath. As the fishy folk insisted on maintaining strict neutrality in the war despite the obvious evil intent of the Sith, the two factions maintained a sort of "cold war", using proxies such as Revan's gang and various nonaligned mercenaries, with the intent of either getting one faction banned from the planet and any further kolto exports, or to outright conquer the place.


Kolto was the subject of a major, decades-long class action lawsuit that drove the entire planet of Manaan into bankruptcy. Manufacturers of bacta learned their lesson and lawyered up hard.

The People Versus The Kolto Industry Edit

"Ladies, Gentlemen, and various creatures, I bring to you point thrity-eight, the case of Ginny Calrissian. Ginny Calrissian was a small, unassuming girl, who suffered a broken arm after falling out of a tree. Beleiving, as many do, that Kolto was a cure for her pains, this poor girl got better... for about a month. Then, she suddenly began too see changes. Her arm began to sag. She suddenly found it hard to move her fingers. The arm simply dissolved into nothingness, until it took a green hue after another dose of Kolto. Then, she began to have problems with anal bleeding, migraines, and the ability to speak without spouting terrible swear words. Finally, her arm simply fell off."
―A portion of The People's Lawyer's Statement, three months into the trials

The Kolto Industry had been supplying medical melodies and cures for over One Thousand years before it reached the inevitable point of all medical cure company: complaints began to be filed, starting with the case of J'viirri Turnips plee to the local Manaan Government that she had suffered terrible mental instibility after three doses of Kolto for her Frequent Migraines. This case was held up, and she gained a winnings of Three Hundred Thousand Republic Credits as winnings for her pain, to which she simply stated, "I do not agree with the decision of this government. After All, Republic Credits are no good out here. I need something a little more Real."

She took her case too a wealthy Lawyer on Bastion, who took the case to the Galactic Senate. The Senate, seeing that the complaints against their new bill, Revancare. was being disputed, decided to take the Kolto Industry to court, causing the Eighty year case of "The People Versus The Kolto Industry".

"Concerned Citizens and Victims" flocked to the Plantiffs Case, turning in their own complaints to the Kolto Corporation. These citizens brought together One Thousand, three hundred, and twenty eight talking points, which took the Plantiff's case over fourteen years to fully adress to the representatives. It took so long, in fact, that two of which died of natural causes in their chairs while the shrewed Twi'lek lawyer drolled on.

Finally, the assembly, after taking three years to consider, decided that the cases would be divided into one case at a time, so that representatives could be switched out and no one else would die due to this case.

In Seventy-Six years of cases, the Kolto Industry one three out of One Thousand, Three Hundred, and Twenty Eight cases. The First was the case of Jviirri Turnips herself, though controversy surrounds this trial, as the original representatives that sat through fourteen years of evidence handled this case themselves. Many find that the Representatives simply overturned this case out of annoyance, leading to the enevitable case of The Turnip Family Versus The Galactic Senate in 1,000 BBY, which saw the descendants of Jviirri Turnip win exactly Three Million Fifty Credits. Luckily, the Turnip descendants did not complain about the amount, but instead died in a mysterious sea faring accident after stating that Republic Credits had been diminished over the years.

The last two cases in the Seventy-Six years that they won were, in fact, the final two. These complaints it was discovered, were put forth by the newly established Bacta Corporations President and Treasurer, who had filed in the gap for Medical Melodies and Miracles when the Kolto Industry tanked under the pressure.

Oddly enough, Menaan did not go bankrupt under all of this pressure, though it is still widely speculated to this day that they were payed off by the Bacta Corporation to shut their mouths, which enevitably lead to the case of "Prime Minister of Manaan Krijit Feoli versus The Bacta Corporation in 3,098 BBY, which was thrown aside after the Prime Minister made accusations of public Wookiee-Nookiees to Kolto industry representatives who spoke badly of this new Bacta Industry.

And so was the death of exports on Manaan. The tanking of the Kolto industry bankrupted the planet, which forced the Selkaath natives to sell the only thing they had left: Hot Fish Sex.

Oddly enough, a local census has discovered that the treasury on Manaan has gone up since these acts were made legal twenty years ago.

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