"CRAAAAAAAWLING IN MY CRAAAAAAAAAWL, THESE CRAAAAAAAWLS THEY WILL NOT CRAAAAAAAAWL..."
―Kylo Ren (Every day)
Kylo Ren, born Ben Solo, also known as Darth Tantrum, Darth Emo II, Darth Vader Jr., or BEN!, and often mistaken for Darth Revan, was a human male Sith Lordwannabe who lived approximately thirty years after the Battle of Endor and is the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa. He wore a black hood, cloak and a dark mask, because he wanted to be like his GRAND DAD and Revan. He wielded a lightsaber of a special design which projected a main red blade, with a red cross guard projected out of its sides. He is well known to destroy expensive pieces of equipment when he's angry. Kylo is hottie booty
Early (pre-Knight of Ren) days and the rise of the problem childEdit
Ben was once Han and Leia's neglected beloved child. His parents wanted to do everything they could to make sure they could be a happy family together, and decided to raise him on the popular educational holoprogram Sesame Street. However, Supreme Leader Snook saw potential in Ben as well, and decided to seriously fuck up his childhood psyche by secretly replacing the Sesame Street holovids with the Jedhan animated series Neon Genesis Evangelion. Ben quickly became addicted to the show, and idolized the mentally unstable female pilot character Asuka Langley Soryu long before he discovered the joys of Darth Vader, a decision that would lead to a brief bout of cross-dressing as a teen and permanently turn him into an overemotional basketcase. When Han and Leia found out the bait-and-switch, they did everything they could to heal Ben's psyche and destroy all traces of Evangelion in the Solo household. Ben was then made to watch Sesame Street, but this simply resulted in Ben throwing a tantrum and destroying the living room with his toy lightsaber, the first of his many recorded outbursts in history. When Wookiee-Nookie Monster was invited over for Ben's sixth birthday party, he threw a hissy fit over not inviting Asuka instead, and murdered the horny furry blue guy.
As a child Ben loved history and his favorite person from history was Revan. Originally he liked the light side Revan but then one day all his history books simply vanished as if there was no history at all. Ben got really pissed, and Snook saw this as an opportunity to corrupt young Ben and turn him to the Dark side. Ben consequently discovered that his GRAND DAD was none other than Darth Vader, and developed a new obsession. He started a Sith Cult where he murdered many people and blew up some planets, all while lining up outside every Toys 'R' Us in the galaxy on Force Fridays to collect the countless action figures that Vader spawned. Unfortunately, Ben would often be stuck in line behind middle-aged dads of hyperactive toddlers, which pushed his buttons and resulted in his smashing through the line with his unique, tri-bladed lightsaber and murdering the poor dads and their kids. At one point, a store manager called Ben out on his bullshit and banned him from all Toys 'R' Us stores in the system. This only served to build up his pent-up rage.
During this period, Ben tried to get a girlfriend to make into a "Sweetheart from the Dark-Side-Up" that he would allegedly indoctrinate and brainwash to conform to his desires and ideals. However, he was repeatedly rejected due to his poor social skills and inappropriate advances as well as the sheer creepiness of the idea. The sexually frustrated Ben therefore came out as a "lesbian tomgirl" and began dressing up as Asuka and acting like her, exaggerating and reinforcing his fiery temper and instability. This drove his caring parents into further despair and pleased the Supreme Leader greatly. It also killed his already-abysmal chances of getting a girlfriend.
"DARTH VADER'S SHOULDER PADS ARE NOT SILVER, AND THEY SERIOUSLY CAUSE SENSORY OVERLOADS IN ME!!! DARTH LUCAS NEEDS TO RECALL EVERYTHING RELATED TO THE GREAT JEDI PURGE AND CHANGE VADER'S SHOULDER COLOUR BACK IMMEDIATELY!!!"
―Ben Solo, voicing his displeasure with the new Vader action figures
Eventually, action figures of Darth Vader as he appeared shortly after the Great Jedi Purge were released, which depicted Vader with silver shoulder pads instead of the black ones that Ben was so used to. This enraged Ben so much that he intruded into his local Toys 'R' Us to vandalize store displays. When the manager called him out yet again, he smashed up the poor manager with his lightsaber, which landed him in jail and made him more disturbed than ever before. At this point, Snook was able to reach out to Ben and his hatred of the world.
Ben therefore decided to join the Knights of Ren under a new title - Kylo Ren. He also abandoned his cross-dressing act - not because he was embarrassed by it, not to avoid recognition, but because anonymous users on the HoloNet forum 1138chan started making fun of him and outing him as a lolcow, which resulted in him smashing up the expensive viewscreen his parents got him. He instead put together a helmet and outfit that looked vaguely like Vader's, though he still tended to wear a bra and panties underneath from time to time, which became the subject of many rumors among the First Order.
Some questioned how two people like Han and Leia could have such a loser for a son. It was revealed by Darth Disney that because he made it so Han and Leia had serious relationship problems Ben was not Han's son. Han and Leia got in a fight over why the Empire's defeat was for nothing and broke up for awhile. While apart Leia had a brief relationship with a young man named Rosh Penin (Something she would always regret). This explains why Ren is the way he is, he inherited his biological fathers traits. Ben was never told about this because Leia knew it would break his heart to know he was not related to Vader, also she was pretty embarrassed. Although though no tests were ever run to be sure that Han is not his real father...it's a pretty safe bet.
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