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Lando Calrissian

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Lando Calrissian
Biographical information
Homeworld

Socorro

Born

31 BBY, Socorro

Physical description
Species

Smooth Human

Gender

Male

Height

1.77 m

Hair color

Black 'fro

Eye color

Brown

Chronological and political information
Era(s)
  • Rebellion era
  • New Republic era
  • New Jedi Order era
  • Legacy era
Affiliation
"Ah, I can feel the wind flowing through my butt crack, and it's cool."
―Lando

Lando Calrissian was a card player, gambler, scoundrel, and later a general. He was a pimp and frequent attendee of the Cloud Disco on Cloud City, and he was the most happenin' dude in the galaxy. The Sith offered to make him a Darth out of sheer coolness. He turned it down. That was bad. The Jedi wanted to make him a master so they could 'save' his sorry behind. He turned it down. That was good. Then he called every body together for a Super Carbonite Rave Party. Nobody turned him down. That butt he had was SEXY with a capital S..

Towards the end of his life, Lando, through luck in a Sabacc card game became the Chief Baron Administrator to Lando Lakes Butter Company.

Known PowersEdit

Sheer coolness.

The ability to down a tankard of blue milk in one go.

He was occasionally seen with a building-sized afro which held the special ability to destroy a planet with a single bounce.

His greatest power however would have to be the infamous Colt 45, which created the overwhelming effect of making "everything go down smooth". He later regretted doing said commercials after being killed by Mace Windu's angry spirit while drinking said drink.

See alsoEdit

Behind the scenesEdit

In the Japanese dub, God Himself voiced Lando Calrissian under the pseudonym "Norio Wakamoto", "Norio" being Japanese for "Man of Law". This resulted in Lando becoming the most popular Star Wars character of all time in Japan, with many strange Japanese snacks, pachinko machines, arcade games and coconut-flavored energy drinks being slapped with Lando's image on them, and Lando becoming the main character of Super Star War Fight Z.


RicOlieRight
This article is called Lando Calrissian. Lando Calrissian has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Lando Calrissian can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
WookieepediaLogoBouncing
Born without a sense of humor? We are inspired by your courageous struggle. …Just kidding. Get the hell out of here and go read Wookiepedia's "real" article on Lando Calrissian.
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