Behold his sexiness.

"I brought the Empire to a new age! And you know what else? I've never gotten credit for the things I do. I never even got Wookiee-Nookie, no super-cool title, no love letters, nothing. Without the Force, I am nothing!"
―Lightninny, to the evil tyrannical Sith Lord
"I've just found out some terrible news...a rabid madclaw, and a super geek were up to something, and they were somehow about to use a coded message on #Wookieepedia. I think they were saying something about starting a mutiny against you, and they allegedly claim that their contact is a rogue lieutenant. I'm suggesting that we step up our security, in case there ever is a rebellion against us.

I could be wrong, but still, we must take contingency measures to prevent this from happening."

―Lightninny using his alias in a report to the evil tyrannical Sith Lord

Privates Lightninny was a ridiculously, incredibly Force-sensitive Human male, who was ranked above Vader, the Emperor, Ysanne Isard and Wilhuff Tarkin in the hierarchy of something known as the Galactic Empire.


What a manEdit

There is a slight discrepancy between Lightninny's version of events and those recorded in the annals (no, not anals) of galactic history. According to Lightninny, he founded his military around 25,050 BBY, first named as the Blue Testicles Coalition Military. After the Silk War (in which Lightninny (according to himself) single-handedly wiped out gazillians of Silk curtains, with only minimal help from the slightly less ridiculously and incredibly Force-sensitive Jedi and stormtroopers). His fleet became the Galactic Empire and his ships, each one amazingly indestructible, numbered in their hoorjilians. Galactic historians, however, have a slightly different version of events.



An aged Lightninny reflects upon his life and thinks to himself "I did okay... I did okay."

Eventually, however, Lightninny was singled out by a malicious tyrannical Sith, who banished him from the Empire and stripped him from the Force. Lightninny knew, in his heart, that he would have his revenge. It had been categorically proven beyond reasonable doubt that his exile prompted fucking galigilians of people to leave the Empire in search of democracy, freedom, and liberty!


"All over this galaxy, I'm the only one getting hate messages! No one else is getting harassed or insulted about their amazingly awesome powers. Besides, I put a lot of effort into it. If I can't place my awesomeness here, where the hell else am I gonna create such an incredible life story?"
―Lightninny, recounting how he was sometimes looked down upon, though it was no matter because by the end of the day people realized how he was an epic and awesome person with more power and potential than any other being ever. Period. Seriously, he's like an Anakin/Yoda combination. Maybe even Mace. Hell, just throw all of the canon characters in there. It's something like that.

In addition to being a master of the Force, Lightninny also dabbled in bowling.

Lightninny was always revered. It was like he was a God. Dissenting infidels were stoned to death.

Supreme intercontinental brilliant magnificent holy almighty great ultimate perfect ideal Commander Lightninny's wonderful technicolor array of ultratastic Force powersEdit

Abilities= "Force flight", Force lightning, Force chain lightning, **Mind Trick**, *Force Blind*, *Electric Judgment*, Force storm (wormhole), Force storm (lightning), Force storm (weather), Midichlorian Manipulation, Invulnerability, Invincibility, "Force jump", Force push, "Force Speed", 'Force Pull', Force choke, Force grip, Force crush, Excellent Intelligence, Extreme Force-sensitivity Factor, **Force Illusion**, Force Clone, Force healing, Force Meditation, Incredible Agility, Force stealth, *Force shock*, *Force stun*, Force Orb, Force destruction, 'Force blow', 'Force repulse', Force wave, 'Force whirlwind', Force light, **Force fear**, **Force horror**, **Force insanity**, **Mind Control**, **Force persuasion**, **Force corrupt**, **Force projection**, *Control Pain*, Force sense, Force fondle, Force Involuntary-Spasm, *Force melodrama*, Force Idiocy, Force Affirmative-Action,

More on this as it develops...


  • Bold text= Completely, Totally, Incomprehensibly, Brilliantly, Devoutly Unbeatable by any
  • Italic text= dangerous and potentially lethal to user
  • 'text with single quotes'= made up to enhance overall Mary Sue-ness
  • *text enclosed in asterisks*= nonlethal, causes minor itching to general crotch area
  • Italic text with asterisks*= deprives target of the ability to excrete. Other than that, it's pretty useless, though it does make the page look longer, and, therefore, better.
  • "text with double quotes"= self targeting
  • *Italic text with asterisks inside*= this feature was created solely to confuse you.
  • *Bolded, italicized text with asterisks inside* = see above
  • **Boled and italicized at regular intervals, surrounding by double asterisks, with a small, green umbrella on top** = I'm really losing track at this point...
This article is called Lightninny. Lightninny has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Lightninny can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
Had too much humor? Who are you kidding? You can never get enough of it! Go check out the Star Wars Fanon Wiki's other article on Lightninny where you will find the real definition of Star Wars humor.

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