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List of people who have been owned by Kyle Katarn

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"Kyle frowned, wondered how a Jedi could be so stupid, and shot Gorc in the face."
―The Book of Rebel Agent

The following is a list of prominent members of the Galaxy who have, at any given time, been completely and totally owned by Kyle Katarn.

Even excluding the legions and myriads of stormtroopers, probe droids, Reborn, shadow troopers, Gamorreans, Ewoks, Gungans, Death Stars, and other generic scum and villainy, the list is far from exhaustive and nowhere near complete. Please add any other people you know or have heard of whom Kyle has personally owned.

Victim Offense Method of Ownership
Boba Fett Messed with Kyle's woman; got in Kyle's way Bryar Pistol to the face; resurrected because Kyle respected Boba's fan base
Jabba's Kell Dragon Tried to eat Kyle Beaten to death by Kyle's fists
General Rom Mohc Just business Bryar Pistol to the face
Ree-Yees (several times) Got in Kyle's way Bryar Pistol to the face
Greedo (several times) Got in Kyle's way Bryar Pistol to the face
Bossk (several times) Got in Kyle's way Bryar Pistol to the face
8t88 Pissed Kyle off; tried to steal Kyle's stuff Bryar Pistol to the arm; allowed to live so he could lead Kyle to the Dark Jedi
WeeGee None; actually owned as property Literal
That one city pedestrian you can kill without falling to the Dark Side Didn't run fast enough Unknown
Yun Broke Kyle's map; talked smack to Kyle Lightsaber beatdown; allowed to live because he was so pathetic
Gorc Destroyed 8t88 before Kyle could Bryar Pistol him to the face Bryar Pistol to the face
Grendel Ate 8t88's face before Kyle could Bryar Pistol it; tried to eat Kyle Jaw and stomach chopped open with lightsaber
Picaroon C. Boodle Destroyed 8t88 before Kyle could Bryar Pistol him to the face Bludgeoned to death with 8t88's head
Maw Pissed Kyle off Lightsaber beatdown
Sariss Not as hot as Jan; killed Yun before Kyle could Bryar Pistol him to the face Lightsaber beatdown (or possibly beaten to death by Kyle's fists, if Kyle didn't feel like picking the lightsaber up)
Boc Aseca Messed with Kyle's woman; laughed at his own jokes Lightsaber beatdown
Jerec Killed Kyle's father; messed with Kyle's woman; pissed Kyle off Lightsaber beatdown; another lightsaber beatdown; body spontaneously vaporized by Kyle's refusal to acknowledge his further existence
Mara Jade Couldn't keep out of Kyle's business Lightsaber beatdown; allowed to live because she acknowledged Kyle's supremacy and was hot
Reelo Baruk Kept information from Kyle; messed with Lando Calrissian; was fat Blasted to oblivion by ship artillery
Tavion Axmis Seriously messed with Kyle's woman; pissed Kyle off Lightsaber beatdown; allowed to live because she acknowledged Kyle's supremacy and was hot
Admiral Galak Fyaar Got in Kyle's way; thought he was Hitler from Wolfenstein Bryar Pistol to the face and/or lightsaber beatdown
Desann Seriously messed with Kyle's woman; pissed Kyle off; looked like an overgrown Kowakian monkey lizard Beaten down by a pillar from the Jedi Temple; lightsaber was too good for him
Jaden Korr

[1]

Acted like a punk; killed Rosh Penin before Kyle could Bryar Pistol him to the face Simultaneously choked and electrocuted with the Force; punched and elbowed in the stomach and face; physically strangled; kneed in the face, swung by his legs, and then slammed into the ground; beaten down by lightsaber
Derrida Unknown; possibly none Collateral damage from when Kyle and Max decided to hang out, went drinking, and then destroyed an Imperial base
Jeng Droga Thought it was cool to have two lightsabers instead of one One-sided lightsaber beatdown
Darth Caedus Acted like a punk Bryar Pistol to the face; lightsaber beatdown; bludgeoned with his own legs; slammed against walls with the Force; simultaneously choked and electrocuted with the Force; brought back to life so Jaina could kill him again.[2]
Troy Denning Arranged to have Kyle killed in Star by Star Successfully arranged to have Alema Rar killed in Fury
Darth Banana Tried to force-feed fruit to Kyle, SERIOUSLY messed with Kyle's woman, ate all the biscuits Lightsaber beatdown, followed by a Yo-Moma contest, sexual and beard-related assault, Bryar Pistol to the face, then being thrown down a well
Chuck Norris Had greater reputation than Kyle; pissed Kyle off; also had a beard The ways of the Gods cannot be comprehended by mortals. (But it included shaving a beard and Bryar Pistol to the face)

Of course there are about a billion stormtroopers and other things that the Katarn owned, but if we listed them here, the page would never end!

For a more complete list of people who weren't even worthy of Kyle to kill them, but should've been, go here.

Notes and referencesEdit

  1. Not actually canon, this is the version of Jedi Academy in which Jaden Korr turns to the Dark Side. This version was deemed non-canonical because the player character is an enemy of Kyle Katarn, making the game impossible to beat and not even sporting.
  2. The actual canonical version of Kyle's battle with Jacen has not yet been released. The current version that appears in Invincible is inherently non-canonical due to its metaphysical impossibility. Jacen must have been having some sort of Aing-Tii dream, being delirious by the serious beatdown he was receiving from Kyle.
RicOlieRight
This article is called List of people who have been owned by Kyle Katarn. List of people who have been owned by Kyle Katarn has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of List of people who have been owned by Kyle Katarn can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.
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