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Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship

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LAATi
Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship
Production information
Manufacturer

Taun Kiwi

Cost

One gunship, five Kaminoans and some mutating virus

Modified by

Darth Vader

Technical specifications
Maximum acceleration

500 Bantha Power

Maximum speed (atmosphere)

Very fast

Main computer

Kaminoan

Countermeasures

Your mom

Armament

Anything needed to PWN

Crew
  • Four mutated Kaminoans instead of computers
  • One mutated Kaminoan in the spare parts locker
Passengers

Lots of clones or stormtroopers

Usage
Role(s)

Pure PWN@G3!

Kills
  • Many Jedi
  • A few planets
Era(s)

The Kill All Jedi Era

Affiliation
Known masters

Darth Vader

"That's not the joystick you're touching... :D"
Taun Kiwi to a clone pilot.

The Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship, later known as the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship and Secret Apprentice One, was a gunship created by a group of Kaminoan scientists led by Taun Kiwi, Taun We's brother, and consisted of a normal gunship and five mutated Kaminoans. As the normal Kaminoans took the body parts of four mutated Kaminoans and put them into the gunship, they were put in places where the normal gunships had computers that needed to be operated by clones. As you might have guessed,... one of the five mutated Kaminoans wasn't cut to pieces and placed somewhere inside the ship. This last Kaminoan was very important... he was "spare parts" in case the parts of the other Kaminoans malfunctioned or got shot. After the clone Wars it became one of Darth Vader's secret apprentices and killed many Jedi.

HistoryEdit

CreationEdit

"It's alive! The Gunship is alive! I did it... I name you... Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship."
―Taun Kiwi, after "making" the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship

The Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship was just a normal gunship until it was taken to Taun Kiwi's laboratory on Kamino where he removed most of the computers from the gunship. Taun Kiwi then selected five random Kaminoans, injected them with a virus that mutated them into weird half-computer, half-Kaminoan creatures. Four of the Kaminoans were immediately cut into many pieces and placed inside the gunship, where the computers used to be. The last mutated Kaminoan was placed in the spare parts locker of the gunship. The Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship was tested during the next few days and preformed better than the normal gunships. Not long after, Taun Kiwi and his team were ordered to make four more Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunships. Not much is known about these four other gunships, though it's possible they were destroyed during the Clone Wars. However, the first Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship was very successful during the war.

Picturetime

The Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship was such a success, it even posed with Fordo.

The Clone WarsEdit

During the Clone Wars, the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship was mostly used for the most difficult missions. Every day, it had to do such tasks like bringing clone troopers to places the normal gunships couldn't go because the clone pilots were afraid to go there. The gunship also had the task of bombing things like Separatist bases and battle droids that were shooting at the scared clone troopers. The clones thought the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship was so cool, that they give it the nickname Very Cool Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship.

Order 66Edit

At the end of the Clone Wars, after the clone troopers had killed many Jedi during Order 66, the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship was ordered to kill any Jedi that the clone troopers missed or forgot to kill. The Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship had to kill the Jedi by bombing them. Then, the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship would take several clone troopers that were very good at killing Jedi to Coruscant. While flying to Coruscant, the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship and the clone troopers were able to kill several more Jedi. When they arrived on Coruscant, they became part of Darth Vader's elite Jedi killing unit, known as the 501st Legion.

Hunting JediEdit

After the Clone Wars, the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship was used by Darth Vader and the elite Jedi-killing 501st Legion to hunt Jedi that the other, less cool, normal clone troopers forgot to kill. During this time, the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship killed many Jedi by bombing them. However, at times Lord Vader wanted to interrogate the Jedi, so the gunship would use idiotic special weapons that didn't kill the Jedi at all, but did make it possible for them to be captured.

Darth Vader changed the interior of the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship, adding an interrogation and torture room. This would have been impossible in a normal gunship, but because this gunship didn't need pilots, there was enough room to add the extra one. The mutated Kaminoans in the gunship also controlled the torture equipment, which caused Vader to notice their evilness. Lord Vader also noticed that it was in fact very good at killing Jedi, so he decided to make the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship his apprentice. To make things easy for himself, Darth Vader named his new apprentice "Secret Apprentice One," which of course is a lot shorter than Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship.

Secret Apprentice OneEdit

"Execute Order 66, AGAIN!"
―Secret Apprentice One using Force Kill All Jedi

Darth Vader taught his first secret apprentice many new things about the Force, including how to use Force lightning and Force Kill All Jedi (also known as Force Order 66). With this Force power, the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship was able to transmit Order 66 to all stormtroopers on any planet. They would then drop whatever they were doing (like fighting the Rebels or some other unimportant thing) and start searching the planet for Jedi and kill them. Many Jedi died when the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship used Force Kill All Jedi on Nabooboo. It even managed to kill Nabooboo's Queen in that battle.

Darth Vader was very proud of his apprentice and in return, his apprentice was proud to be Darth Vader's apprentice and Darth Vader was very proud of the fact that his apprentice was proud to be his apprentice. Secret Apprentice One was also very proud of the fact that Darth Vader was proud of the fact that his apprentice was proud to be his apprentice. Darth Vader was also proud of the fact that his apprentice was... ok... enough of that, back to the story... During one mission the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship was ordered to destroy a planet using a big, secret, planet destruction weapon. This weapon was the Prototype Death Star. After it was successfully used by the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship, the Empire began producing the real Death Star.

Killing RebelsEdit

"All we tried to do was kill all of them... they had no right to destroy my Death Star! Lord Vader, do what must be done, kill all Rebels!"
―The Emperor to Darth Vader

When the real Death Star was completed, the Empire tested it by destroying Alderaan. The Death Star test was successful and Alderaan was destroyed... **cough**. After the test, the Empire wanted to destroy the Rebel base on Yavin 4. This made the Rebels extremely angry as they attacked the Death Star and managed to destroy it. The destruction of the Death Star made the Emperor very angry, so he ordered Darth Vader to kill all Rebels. Darth Vader, who was a bit lazy and angry that the Rebels almost killed him in the attack, then ordered his Secret Apprentice to go kill all Rebels.

For a while, everything went very well. The Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship killed many Rebels and even some Rebel Jedi. But one day, the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship found one of the Rebel's bases on Hoth, a planet that was very, very cold. Darth Vader hated planets where it was cold. And I suppose he hated planets where it was hot, as well. In fact, I guess Darth Vader hated most planets. That's why he destroyed so many of them. So to avoid actually going to the ice-world, Lord Vader told his apprentice to lead the stormtroopers there. This made the stormtroopers believe Vader was actually afraid of the Rebels and caused them to be afraid of the Rebels, as well. This meant most of them got killed because they were to busy running away from the Rebel base.

Darth Vader didn't go to the planet until he heard that Luke Skywalker was leading the Rebels and that his stormtroopers were getting killed left and right. Vader arrived just in time to see Luke escape. The Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship was too busy killing Rebels at the time, and because Darth Vader didn't order it to follow Luke, it didn't follow him. After the battle, Lord Vader was even more angry and ordered all ships to leave the planet. About five-hundred stormtroopers were left behind when the Imperials left the planet. This was because the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship blamed them for letting some of the Rebels escape. These stormtroopers froze to death eventually. Their frozen corpses were proof of Lord Vader's apprentice's evilness.

DisappearanceEdit

One day, when the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship was hunting Rebels, it received an encrypted message from an unknown source. The Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship just turned around, flew away and was never heard from again.

Many fanboys theorize that Taun Kiwi, the gunship's creator, sent the message. However these are just rumors. It was said that Taun Kiwi felt that the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship had done it's job for both the Republic and the Empire and that it was time for the gunship to return to its real master. It's possible, however unlikely, that Taun Kiwi knew his Gunship had been trained by Darth Vader and was a now a Sith.

Some geeks even believe that Taun Kiwi will one day return to the galaxy and bring an army of evil Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunships, led by the Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Imperial Gunship, with him and conquer the galaxy.

Behind the scenesEdit

The Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship was portrayed by William Daniels.

RicOlieRight
This article is called Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship. Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Living, Breathing, Talking, Flying, Hovering, Strafing, Bombing Republic Gunship can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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