Mace Windu

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Mace Windu

AKA Shaft Windu, Zeus Windu, or Mothuh Frakkah

Biographical information

Haruun Kal


"Why ya wanna know?"


19 BBY, Coruscant
by that mothafracker!

Physical description





1.88 meters
(tall guy)

Hair color

Black, but shaved bald

Eye color


Personal shit
Asshole enemies

Purple lightsaber

Forms of ass-kickery
Chronological and political information

Rise of the Empire era

Known masters


Known apprentices
  • Depa Billaba
  • Devan For'deschel
  • Echuu Shen-Jon
"I have had it with these muthafraking mynocks on this muthafraking starship!"
―Mace Windu[src]

Mace Windu, also known as Shaft Windu, Zeus Windu, The Man that PWNS everyfrakingthing and Mace Windy DooDoo, was the baddest motherfraker this side of the galaxy. He was a rapper and gang member his entire life. He recorded two singles, including his bootlegged own version of Ewok Gangsta Rap. He was killed in a gang fight by traitor Mannequin Skywanker.


Early LifeEdit

Mace Samuel Leroy Jackson Windu was born in D.C. in 72 BBY to parents Leroy and Elizabeth Windu, street performers who sang Jimi Hendrix songs. They lived in an apartment with one room, no plumbing, no water, and non-stop air conditioning, even in the winter. This meant unhealthy living conditions and a high electric bill. That also meant that at age nine, Mace was working in the streets as a rapper. Although his dad's new pimp career failed, Mace's didn't. He had a new calling, rapping in the streets so his family wouldn't starve.

Rapping and the GangEdit

"Does the Force look like a bitch?!"
―Mace Windu

At age twelve Mace signed up for D.C.'s Street Rapper Battle and received second place and two hundred fifty credits prize. Unfortunately, this was promptly taken away by his father who used it to buy drugs to feed his addiction that he received during his jobless depression. Mace was forced to rob local groceries to help his family survive. He then joined a gang, the Jedi, lead by rapper Biggie Yoda. Their rivals were the gang, the Sith Lords. Even though he was only twelve, Mace fought in many of the gang fights receiving battle scars in places he didn't like to talk about. The next year he entered himself in the rap battle again and rapped about his troubles with the girls and drugs and the hood. For some reason this was popular and he won the one thousand dollars grand prize. This time he hid it from his father and bought food for his family. Then his gang got into a large fight and many were killed. Dookie a small time rapper on the Jedi betrayed them and lead an ambush using the "droids". The droids were small time rappers and gang members who were recruited by the Sith in massive numbers to just throw at Jedi. Biggie Yoda decided that they would fight fire with fire. The Jedi started lighting large sticks and poles on fire and used them as "laser swords". Of course it didn't work. That would never work even in a sci-fi movie, who would believe that? Next they tried recruiting the same way the Sith did and named their recruits, The Clones. This worked, and although they got their asses handed to them early on, they eventually won a few fights...and then got their asses handed to them again.

While all this was happening on the sideline, Biggie Yoda was helping Mace get some studio time, and finally, when the gang war was in full blast, at age sixteen, Mace got some studio time. He sung The Ewok Gangsta Rap and one of his own freestyles. They were both accepted by Old Republic Studios and launched as singles. They did okay and Mace got some money to help his family survive because his dad died of a drug overdose when Mace was fourteen. Then the Jedi decided they needed to end the war by killing the enemy leaders. Whiny had already killed Dooku, The Hermit had killed The General and that only left The Supreme Chancellor a big time rapper who worked for Old Republic Studios but lead the Sith for fun. This pissed off a lot of Jedi because it was do or die for them, it wasn't for "fun". Mace volunteered to kill The Chancellor with Stalker, Horny, and Kolar the Mauler. Biggie Yoda shrugged and sent them on their way.


Mace and friends cornered the drunken politician in his office and Mace threatened the drunk saying "In the name of the muthafrakin republic you're under arrest..Muthafracka." the drunk turned and said in a groggy voice, "u w0t m8? I'll.. I'll kill you... beeeeyotch!" for he had drank many a beer. Mace kept threatening him as an aggressive character played by Samuel L. Jackson often does, "The muthafrackin senate will decide your fate muthafracka." The drunken Chancellor recognized the word 'Senate' and laughed as he vomited on the floor, "I am the senate. {urp} beeech." But Mace was still unamused, "Not. Yet. Mutha. Fracka." Palpatine used the dark side to become sober again when he was done vomiting and knowing he was outnumbered, thought up a diabolical plan to kill the 4 jedi. "Hey dudes, you wanna beer?" Now I don't know if any of you are 21, but if an old man asks you if you want a beer and you are 21, you tend to say yes. So the three jedi who looked like aliens went ahead and took the booze and got drunk, that way the crazy old man was able to run all three of them through with his lightsaber, the jedi were drunk so that explains their lack of reflexes that jedi are supposed to have, cause with all their years of training they should've been able to at least stand up to the guy 'cause he's like, 80 years old.

Anyway, Mace Windu didn't drink Palpatine's booze, cause he's Samuel Muthafrackin Jackson and he knows if he's being played! Palpatine, his feelings hurt, rushed Mace but fell down with a bad hip. Mace yelled at him "You're under arrest. Muthafracka!" but Palpatine wasn't done yet, he used his politician witchcraft and shot blue lightning at Mace, Then Whiny came bye, at first he thought that Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain were having sex, but what he saw was just two grumpy old men throttling each other (I know, what's the difference?) Mace asked him for help, then Palpatine asked him for help, but Palpatine added the pretty please with the cherry on top, so Anakin cut off Mace's hand which meant Mace was only strangling Palpatine with one hand, Palpatine, on the other hand had a grip of 2 hands on Mace's neck and threw him out the window, his last words were obviously "DAMN YOU TO HELL MUTHAFRACKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course he could've easily just used the force to cushion his landing but that never seems to occur to anybody so we'll just say that his pride, his ego, and his dick (12 inches) just shattered at defeat, he just couldn't live on with the fact that a whiny, self centered bitch just bitch-slapped a total badass like him, humiliation and grief forced him down, and the truth died with Mace, his funeral was held in the building adjacent to the one his defeat came at, It was attended by Mr. T and was narrated by Morgan Freeman. Ironically, it was the last funeral before the Empire outlawed funerals in the galaxy.


"Basic motherfraker, do you speak it?"
―Mace Windu
"Goddammit Skywalker!!! If your gonna F*ck with Natalie Portman you might as well do it the CORRECT WAY!!!!!!"
―Mace Windu having a breakdown
"We're gonna be like three little snow-kings. What's the snow-king like, Yolanda?
―Mace Windu and Yolanda
"Fuck it."
―Mace Windu almost every minute.
― Mace Windu whenever he won a lightsaber, blaster, or Yu-Gi-Oh duel
"What the heck?!?!?!"
―Mace, seeing Padmé and Anakin doing it
"What the fuck, Anakin? You cut my arm off!
"That was intended..."
I'm gonna motherfuck your woman when I get back as a ghost! (Bzzzt)
―Mace Windu, master of threats
"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfraking droids in this motherfraking war!"
―Mace Windu, sometime during the war — not confirmed, but it would have been motherfraking cool if he did!

Also seeEdit

This article is called Mace Windu. Mace Windu has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Mace Windu can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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