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Darth Secret, also known as Darth Vader's secret apprentice, Satan and Darth He-Who-Has-Yet-To-Be-Named, was an Ultra-Uber-Badass Sith who was trained as Darth Vader's secret apprentice. He was also really awesome and kewl with a capital "K". He could totally use the Force to push Star Destroyers about the place without breaking a sweat. Yeah, he could totally whup Palpatine's prune ass. Blindfolded. And he could beat God at arm-wrestling…

...Nah, that's going too far. Occasionally, the apprentice had strange cravings for Alaskan Burritos and another look at Aayla Secura. Darth Secret feared only God and the Energizer Bunny and he claimed that he had some of God's powers, including the power to destroy your planet just by thinking about it. Darth Secret had tried to practice this without much progress. He was an avid fan of the Boston Red Sox, whom he claims inspired his uber-powerful lightsaber creation dubbed "killer". Additionally, Darth Secret "secretly" enjoys raisin muffins.

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The meaning of life and the official translation of "Gonk. Gonk. Gonk ko kyenga see" is "Gonk is dead. Miss him. Miss him."