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Marcellus the Hutt

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Marcellus
Marcellus the Hutt
Biographical information
Homeworld

Fattyland

Born

655 BBY

Died

92 ABY

Physical description
Species

Fatty

Gender

Male personality, but he's a tranny like all the other Hutts.

Height

Short

Hair color

None

Eye color

Big

Cybernetics
  • Pacemaker
Chronological and political information
Affiliation

He's a lone wolf. A really really fat lone wolf.

"Marky Marky Marky, can't you eat, six pizza pies and a pound o' meat."
―Excerpt from Marcellus' hit single, They Call Me Big Fatty.

Marcellus the Hutt, or Sir Corpulent the Bloated as his childhood friends called him, was a fatso from the planet Fattyland. Marcellus started out as a simple Foot Locker employee, before he discovered his skills as a competitive eater. Soon, Marcellus won the World Eating Championship and became a corrupt crime lord.

Humble beginningsEdit

Marcellus was born on the planet fattyland to parents Ron Jeremy and Juhani. Marcellus' birth was reported on the front page of the Fattyland Times, with the headline "Unusually Fat, Ugly Baby Born". Growing up in a household with a pr0n star and a lesbian cat did irreparable damage to Marcellus' self-esteem, and he spent his days in the refrigerator, stuffing food down his throat in a vain attempt to suffocate himself. Unfortunately, Marcellus survived the suicide attempts, and became unnaturally overweight. Marcellus grew so bloated that his friends called him "Sir Corpulent", displaying a vocabulary unknown to such young'uns.

Foot LockerEdit

"Whadda ya mean I'm fired?!?! I make the world go round, son!"
―Marcellus the Hutt

One day, Marcellus' father grew tired of Marcellus' girth, and sent him to a Fat Camp on Coruscant. While Marcellus was away from Fattyland, his home planet was destroyed by Darth Darth Binks. Marcellus laughed when he heard the news, as the children who had given him his cruel nickname were all dead, but found that he was now homeless and needed a job. Marcellus wandered the streets of Coruscant for some time, looking for employment. One day, while in a drunken stupor, he wandered into a Foot Locker, and ended up getting a job as Senior Foot Advisor. His job entailed sniffing the foot of the customer to figure out his shoe size. But Marcellus, who had become an alcoholic by this time, almost never showed up for work. He was soon fired.

Competitive EaterEdit

"Mmm. Selkath taste good!"
―Marcellus the Hutt

After his firing from the Foot Locker, Marcellus slept in several different homeless shelters, often mugging sewer rats for crack money. One day, the homeless shelter that he lived in held it's annual "You Fuckers Don't Have Jobs, So We'll Have A Hot Dog Eating Contest To Give You Lazy Homeless Bastards Something To Do" hot dog eating contest. Marcellus won in a landslide eating 936 hot dogs in two minutes, while the first runner-up had 12. Luckily for Marcellus, competitive eating all-star Pizza McRandall witnessed Marcellus' gorge-fest, and signed him to a competitive eating contract. Marcellus rose quickly through the competitive eating ranks, setting galaxy records in hot dog eating, hamburger eating, and Selkath eating. But one day, while Marcellus was in a tofu eating contest, he had 13 heart attacks at once. While he was in the hospital, doctors discovered that Marcellus' arteries were clogged up with 34 metric tons of pure, American cholesterol. The doctors were able to save Marcellus' life with an unprecedented septuple bypass surgery, but he would never eat again.

The Rise of the Dark SomethingEdit

"Let's just call it, uuuuuuuuuuuuh, the Dark Something, yeah. Anybody here got some crack?"
―Marcellus the Hutt

Once Marcellus' eating career was over, he was jobless once again. He spent a short time as a rapper, releasing a hit single, They Call Me Big Fatty before he was dropped from his label for drug possession. He then met crime lord Davik Kang, who taught him how to be a crime lord. Davik wanted for Marcellus to be his lackey, but Marcellus shot Davik in the balls and ran, taking lots of money with him. With the money, Marcellus started his own crime syndicate, but due to his crack addiction, he named it the "Dark Something". They came close to controlling the entire galaxy, until Davik came back for revenge. Sporting a new, iron ballsack with laser-shooting action, Davik thoroughly PWN3D Marcellus and took over the Dark Something. Marcellus died soon after, from a heroin overdose.

Personality and traitsEdit

Marcellus was fat, even for a Hutt, which helped him become the greatest competitive eater of all time. He was addicted to heroin, crack, and was a meth enthusiast, and claimed he could quit anytime he wanted, but ended up beating up children, small animals, and even inanimate objects to feed his addiction. He also loved dogs.

RicOlieRight
This article is called Marcellus the Hutt. Marcellus the Hutt has been written from a simple, Ric Olié point of view. A non-simple version of Marcellus the Hutt can be read on Darthipedia. Darthipedia is the Star Wars Humor Wiki.

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